Recently I was on a podcast and one of the questions centered around my motivation for bowling on the PWBA Tour. Clearly, it’s different than it used to be right? I mean, my life is different now. Not by a little. So, my motivation would be different. Right?

I’ve been also asked if I’ll ever retire. This question isn’t posed to imply I should anytime soon, I think when you look at other sports, it’s just something that happens and of course people would wonder about bowlers, too. Especially bowlers who used to dedicate their entire life to the sport. Who travelled most of the world to far off beautiful countries to do what she loved. 

To be honest, I have never really thought about that word — retirement. I don’t really know if I’ll ever fully retire. I don’t even really know what retiring means for me. Does retiring mean I’m just not going to bowl competitively anymore…? Or is it that I’m not going to bowl at all anymore?

I don’t know how things are going to be in the future. I don’t feel it’s something I can plan. I’m just going to go day to day and see how I feel. It’s how I live my life. I live it intentionally and very intuitively. If one day I just think, “I’m done competing” or “I’m done bowling”… then maybe that’s when it will happen. Right now, though, I just don’t know how I’m going to feel in five years. Maybe I’ll feel that I’m good and that I’m just going to cheer on everybody else from then on. Seems unlikely if you asked me today, though.

Over the years, there has been a shift in my actual motivation bowling.

At first, I bowled because I loved it and was good at it. I had something to prove. I could win, and win big. Early in my career, I wanted to win and leave my mark on the sport. My MAIN MOTIVATION was to leave the sport better than when I picked it up. To be able to positively influence. 

Now, I feel I’ve already left my mark and nobody can take away what I’ve already done. I don’t have anything to prove anymore. So while I still love the sport and I do believe that I continue to positively influence people, that’s no longer my deepest motivation.

What’s most changed is that my bowling is less focused on myself now. It’s a less selfish pursuit. Before when I played competitively, I wanted to win for me. I mean, you kind of have to be selfish to stand out. But now? Now I want to win for my family. I want them to see me win because they never really had that chance yet. (Except on Youtube) When I was at my peak, they were really young. So my motivation now is really to show them that moms can have dreams too. They can set goals and reach them. That’s my greatest motivation for playing competitively now. My kids have the chance to see that becoming a mom didn’t mean I had to lose who I was and put the ball down. 

I also want to inspire my competitors in a different way. You read that right. The competitors I will see on the lanes tonight during the practice session on the PWBA Tour. 

I want them to realize that one day their life will change and that’s ok. You’re going to evolve. Let it happen. No one told me that so I was left feeling lost and unsure when I made the transition from full time “want to be one of the best in the world” bowlers to “I know I still have it, my experience will carry me through but I don’t want to dedicate my everything to it anymore” type of bowler. The identity crisis was real. I didn’t have anyone to talk it through with. I want to be that for them.

Now, I’ll admit that when I approach a tournament, (especially a professional one)  I’ve recognized that it’s a lot harder to win. So, mentally it’s different and how I’m approaching the game is different. 

It feels different than when I was bowling full-time for a living. But I’m totally embracing the “differentness” of it all. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing the last year on maintaining my strength and feeling strong in my own body. I’ve been practicing a lot lately and my game feels super strong. I’ve put some quality time into my mental game by using some specific techniques. What’s harder is making the right ball decisions at the right time and switching balls. I will let my intuition take me there, though.

Bowlers are getting better. The resources and training centers are much better now for bowlers in their early twenties than when I was in my early twenties. They’re sharper when it comes to their equipment. You can be throwing it the best you’ve ever thrown it in your life and play the lanes wrong and have no chance. On the flip side, you can throw it mediocre and do the right thing with the right ball in the right place and win. So it really makes a big difference. There’s a lot of science and technical knowledge. I’m a very simple right-brain bowler. The left-brain bowlers are the detail-focused, data-driven bowlers. I am more intuitive on the lanes.

It’s also getting more competitive because more people are joining the sport. It’s great to see so many more people getting excited about bowling these days though, on all levels. High school bowling is off the charts now. It’s the highest participatory sport in high schools and it is leading into colleges. Every year, more colleges are picking up bowling as a sport. It’s become a pretty strong NCAA sport now, which is amazing for women in bowling. They can now go to really good universities and it’s being recognized as an NCAA school, just like the football players that you see on TV. And that’s amazing.

When I was a freshman in college, it was the first year of NCAA bowling and in order to have a national championship, there had to be 40 plus teams. And there weren’t that many so we didn’t play a NCAA national championships. Now there are. And the NCAA Bowling Championships have become a really big deal. And it is so exciting to see women coming up through the sport now. (Shout out to the University of Nebraska for winning the latest NCAA National Championship!)

Whether on the lanes myself or cheering others on, in my heart I’ll always be a bowler. It’s who I am. How often I play or with whom I compete will never change that. 

I could have let go of everything that I was to become a mom, but that didn’t feel right. What felt right is for me to continue to pursue hopes and dreams and show my children that with a family, priorities shift and life changes, but none of that means giving up who you are. I think it’s important also for young athletes to see that as well. They know where I was before and they can see where I am now, and that I’ve chosen to still bowl. 

They can see that just because you bowl full-time at one point in your life that you don’t have to continue that way. All or nothing is not the only choice. For me, bowling full-time was who I was then and this is who I am now. Your life can shift and you can still compete in some capacity that feels right in your life. That’s evolving.

My kids recognize the fact that competing now is more difficult than it used to be for me. But that’s part of the incredible lesson I get to teach them. That even if something seems hard, and different- it’s still worth pursuing. 

How are you evolving?