There was a moment on tour recently when one of my fellow bowlers said to me, “you’re just so patient. You just don’t get upset, no matter what happens.”

Little did she know it was EXACTLY what I was focusing on. I was focused on being patient and not trying to get too ahead of myself, and her commenting on that really validated that my focus was strong. Even others could see it!

It’s really easy to feel impatient so it does take a strong focus. For instance, my second week on tour this year, there were instances when I felt like I was scrambling because what I was doing wasn’t working. The first week I really did feel like I had a good handle on things. So I approached the struggle with consciousness. The most important thing to do is slow everything down, make sure that you make very conscious decisions and that you’re paying attention, no matter what way things are going.

I’d decide, okay, I’m going to make a different move and maybe this next move is going to be right. Every frame, every day was just learning. I kept having the trust and the faith in that.  I was paying attention. I took each frame separately and stayed present. In the end, that week, things didn’t work out but I felt okay about them not working out because I’m proud and confident in how I approached the struggle. I don’t have any regrets. Sometimes that’s just the way it happens. All you can do is walk away and reflect back on it and come up with ideas. And grow and learn from it.

So many people when they compete, they want to skip ahead to the wins. You want it to be over in your favor and if you try to speed things up. That never works. I’ve learned to just approach the game, and the struggles, with patience and that’s how things are going to begin to roll in my favor.

And that is how the tour is going for me. 

It has happened for me enough in my career for me to know it as a truth by now. I’ve been on both sides of success. My successes happen when I focus — on what I can control, not on what is out of my power. Every time. And I’m usually reminded by this with failures along the way that keep me grounded. I have lost many tournaments because I was worried and became distracted. If I’m focused on other people’s expectations and feeling pressured, I lose my focus — and the tournament.

In fact, as I’ve written about before, the worst event of my career was one my best learning experience. It delivered the message to me loud and clear that patience is key. That rushing never leads to anything good.

I was bowling live on ESPN, my first live-on-tv bowling event, and I was so excited to be there because it was also for a major title.  I started out feeling amazing. I really felt that it was mine to win because I beat everybody all week. I went into the final bowling matches and double elimination as the number one seed. But that meant, I bowled last on the show and the live show was running overtime so the production team suggested I should just pick up the pace. And in that one last game, I made every mental (and bowling) mistake that I could make because I rushed and lost my focus. I fell off my shots, missed spares, and there I was in the end, watching Kelly Kulick wearing the tiara I thought was meant for me.

But that day’s failure was a major catalyst for me building my game stronger than ever. And I went on to win the very next event I bowled. Since then, I have really focused on filtering out pressure and staying patient, with the process and with myself. I won’t let any of that throw me off my game anymore.

I know that I always need to stay in the present moment. That’s where anyone’s power is. It’s all about focus and understanding where your true power is. Everything shifts when you realize that.

One trick I use is that when I need to return to the moment, I start thinking physically, narrowing my focus right down to my body and my place on the lanes. Where am I sliding in the lane? Am I staying down? What do I need to hit?

Instead of trying to feel like I needed to be perfect every moment on the lane, and understand everything perfectly, I also always give myself space to just feel my best in that moment. To feel positive energy instead of letting in any negative vibes. Good vibes only! By feeling positive and calm, you attract more of that really good energy.

Good vibes and patience for the win!