I recently stated, “I always show up to win” during another great conversation with my friend Dr. Weems. We were discussing how a competitor can show up at competitions.

It’s true. I DO always show up to win. Before we dove into exploring the idea further, I said, “Doesn’t everyone show up to win?” But then Dr. Weems raised a very valid question. He asked me, “do they and, did you always?”

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He challenged me to think about this, saying, “are we speaking in general terms about how everyone shows up if they’re participating in a competition? Is it the expectation of winning? Those can be two different things. Playing to win is going to be a defined first place, second place, third place… What about those who are there to participate in the competition, not merely win the competition? Because they’re different. I think it is a mindset and ‘where you are in the process’ issue.”

He was right. People don’t all show up the same at competitions thinking the same things.

My daughter Jersey is a perfect example of someone not really thinking about winning at all. She’s just started bowling tournaments. She knows it’s unlikely she will win. But winning is not at all why she’s bowling either.

So maybe there IS a mindset difference out there on the lanes. Jersey’s mindset is to go and get experience and to figure out what she needs to do better so she can be in contention, eventually. What I talk to Jersey about is just bowling to learn, to get comfortable there, and to observe the competition. When I’m bowling out on tour, in a competitive, professional environment, there are also rookie bowlers who just graduated from college, and they also still have a lot to learn. Perhaps that’s their mindset too, that they want to learn and that competition is the best place to learn it. I think many of the people bowling on the EYT are also there to compete and learn. They are simply there to grow from the experience.

Dr. Weems is right in pointing out that where you are at in the process is one of the determining factors of mindset. Where you’re at in your life and game makes such a difference. Even looking at just my two kids, who are only three years apart, I see the differences in where they are at – in mindset as well as along their bowling timeline. Jersey is super young and inexperienced, and she’s coming from a different mindset than somebody like Madden, who has been bowling in tournaments for a couple of years already. They’re both still learning and growing though, but at different stages. It all has to do with where you’re at in life at that moment.

When bowlers are new to competition, being in that moment of uncertainty in their career can sometimes also steer their mindset in a less positive direction though, as insecurities about competing sometimes creep in. They might approach competition with the intent to prove they belong there. I don’t think that’s a very healthy mindset. Competing to prove something to yourself is a slightly healthier version to that. It’s important that your mindset is healthy, positive, and realistic.

Dr. Weems helped me understand what these rookie bowlers are feeling in those situations. The doubt they’re experiencing can be associated with what psychologists call “imposter syndrome,” something that has recently become more widely documented and researched. When referring to the types of doubts rookie bowlers face, he explained, “many, if not most, human beings experience these doubts in other aspects of their lives, as well.”  According to Wikipedia, Impostor syndrome is “a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon do not believe they deserve their success or luck.”

Imposter Syndrome perfectly frames what I have seen countless times out on the lanes. The most common insecurity I hear echoed among rookies starting out on professional tours is that they’re afraid they don’t belong yet. I’ve even been asked by rookies for advice on how to move through that feeling at the beginning of their professional career. I usually enter into a bit of a coaching perspective when I’m talking to them about it, giving advice as both an experienced  bowler and coach – even though I’m often surprised some of the youngest ones even know my name. I start by telling them that I understand their perspective because I remember how it felt to be fresh out of college, transitioning to competing on my own. For four years, I had a coach behind me, helping me determine the moves that I needed to make on the lanes. Then, all of a sudden, I turned around from the foul line and no one was there to guide me. There’s that learning curve you experience and those doubts are understandable. I felt uncertain the first time I stood competing on the lanes on my own too. That voice kicked in. Did I have it in me to succeed there on my own? Deep down though, I knew I belonged.

I reassure the rookies that they don’t need to prove that they belong. They don’t have anything to prove to anyone else. They do belong there. It’s just really switching the mindset to become comfortable in this new environment. They just need to get out of their own way. The only way to do that is to show up, shoe up, and lay everything out there on the lanes.

I often go on to say that if you are bowling with something to prove, then you will never be your best self. If you can find a way to go out there and focus on the present in each shot and being your best, then you’ll allow yourself to just be… instead of trying to be something for someone. You are your best self when you are at your most authentic, vulnerable as that may feel sometimes.

Whatever level of experience you are at, whatever your moment in the process, you belong.

Whatever your competition mindset is, as long as it’s a healthy, positive one, I support it. It’s just important to have a mindset. Know what you are competing for. Know what you want to get out of it then lace up and go get it!