You don’t have anything to prove.

You also don’t need to be so hard on yourself with that negative self-talk about whether you’re good enough.

I’ve seen this negative talk with many bowlers.

No one cares more about your missed spare than you do anyway. So don’t worry about what anyone thinks about what you’re doing or why you’re where you are. It’s very likely they aren’t even thinking about you.

Dwelling and negative self-talk is never a good thing. 

Talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend.

If more people looked deeper into themselves, they would realize that they don’t need to be so hard on themselves in an attempt to be good enough. Mistakes or imperfect games are not a weakness. 

Instead of being your own worst critic, be your own best friend and cheerleader.

That positive dialogue with yourself is something that will help you more than anything – in every area of your life. 

“Be careful what you think about; it might come true.” Such a wise quote from such a wise coach. Fred Borden was one of my first coaches on Team USA. This is something he said often. 

We all need to stop being so judgy on the lanes. 

If you throw a shot and it’s out the window, instead of calling yourself names, why not just look at it objectively?  I call this “bowling like a robot.” A robot doesn’t have feelings. They take information, process it, and use the information for the future. Being objective on the lanes and in life will set you up to make better moves and deal with situations more efficiently. Taking your emotions out of it is the key.

Process. Your. Bowling. Shot. As. If. You. Were. A. Robot.

And if you are going to talk to yourself on the approach, it better be positive. 

You may recall that at the recent EYT, I talked to a girl who was really being hard on herself after the tournament. I gave her some advice about “processing the process,” and one of the things I emphasized was getting a journal. I often tell people to journal it out. One of the reasons is that it’s another space and opportunity to flip your thinking and be kind to yourself. You’re probably not going to write out the negative self-talk. 

When you sit down to write, you’re going to flip it. You’re going to write encouragement about how to be better rather than put yourself down on paper. It is a place to get that positive, internal conversation flowing. You’ll find it’s an incredible way to support your mindset as you navigate your personal journey, as much beyond the lanes as on them.

Journals are also perfect for recording answers to introspective questions to allow you to check in on yourself. How am I feeling after today’s practice? How can I improve how I feel?

Not enough young people prioritize journaling. 

My son, Madden, has a journal called The Big Life Journal that he got as a gift from a friend a while ago. I’m so proud to see that he has already filled it all in. He has spent so much more time with it than even I realized. The journal has prompts with questions that help you understand yourself and who you are. It was cool to learn how engaged he was with it. This is such an important part of finding out who you really are. When you know who you are, you can be that 100% of the time.

What I love about journals is that when it is written in front of you on paper in black and white, you can look at it and you can see how far you’ve come. Track your progress. Work through emotions. Throw all your thoughts down on paper so that you can process them.

Learning how to be non-judgemental of yourself on the lanes is really a growth mindset tactic. Talking to yourself like you talk to your best friend will help you think with more intention. Getting a journal and spilling your guts inside of it will help you process your thoughts and emotions and will allow you to move on to what is next in a positive way.