In Mexico, I was immersed in BEING. Upon landing back in Chicago, it was back to DOING.

Back to back days, within a 3 day period, I had an EYT, Madden’s graduation party, and the EYT collaboration game at Monday night’s White Sox game.

Why did I do that to myself?

The first answer is that I realize I set very high expectations for myself – for what I can get done in any given amount of time. I know that I can get stuff done, and I know that I’m not lazy. So I just keep adding more to my calendar. Also, I’m not good at saying no. (Still.)

If I tracked everything I did in a day, in a week, in a month… It’s actually kind of crazy. When someone doesn’t have a typical 9-5 job structure, with defined boundaries, it is also so easy to just always fill up the entire schedule with doing.

By the end of Monday night, after the White Sox game, I was so happy with how those three days went. First of all, I’m really proud that for the event’s second year, we got nine kids on the field. And one threw the pitch, while another presented the game ball. These collaborations are really significant for EYT, getting more publicity and awareness to the sport.

But at the end of those three days, I was also… So. Very. Exhausted.

The day before, over 100 people attended Madden’s graduation party.

The day before that, being a typical EYT day, I woke up at 4.45, after staying up late the night before doing the final prep. There’s always so many moving pieces to run that event seamlessly every month. I arrived at around 6.45am, and I was non-stop on my feet until the last person left.

The morning after it all, I went to the cabinet to get a Tylenol. I had an exhaustion headache. And while I really don’t like taking any kind of medicine at all, this was just one of those moments. Also, I’m ashamed to say that I was likely dehydrated because when I’m so busy throughout the day, there isn’t a focus on drinking enough water.

My headache also stopped me in my tracks to think, “Man, I need to be more lenient with myself sometimes.”

Even though I am self-aware that I am pushing myself this way, and so hard on myself, I seem to keep doing it. It’s part of my DNA.

Here’s what I also figured out…

Reaching for that Tylenol gave me a flashback of a conversation I had with my dad earlier in the week, when I saw him reaching for a Tylenol from that same medicine cabinet.

That conversation started with me asking, “Dad, what are you doing?” He explained that he had a headache, and that there wasn’t a tylenol at work.

I asked him what time he had left for work that day, and calculated backwards to see how long he had been on his feet, working. The math suggested wayyy more than an eight hour day. (This was a rule I imposed for him so he didn’t end up where he did in September of 2023 – likely from pushing himself too hard.) So, I advised him that I didn’t want him pushing himself so hard. No one should work that much, especially him. He’s still recovering from that brain injury.

Yet, it has become so much a norm for him that he doesn’t even recognize when he’s pushing himself. He loves his work, and he doesn’t feel like he is pushing himself. But he is, and the headache is a reminder. So I told him to go easy on himself. “It’s not healthy to push yourself that hard.”

Even when we have high expectations of ourselves, perhaps we can have a bit of grace with ourselves to allow a situation to look a bit different, without looking at ourselves as having failed to live up to some expectation we have for ourselves.

That leniency does not mean we’re not working hard. We’re just working differently.

Last week, on yet another busy day, I tried to fit in a practice with my coach. The Luxi mixed doubles is coming up, and I want to get in as many practices as possible beforehand. Unfortunately, that day was really hot and humid. So, I couldn’t slide on the approach. It was a bit frustrating, especially after taking the time to fit in that practice into a busy schedule. But, with the help of my coach, we figured out a way to just apply that time on the lanes in a new way. We revised the plan on the spot. For 45 minutes, I did drills, like a one-step drill. It wasn’t a slide. It was just one step. I had my ball, swung it, and just focused on really specific things within that one step.

Yes, I had the expectation of completing a full shot practice. But changing plans, and turning it into a drill practice didn’t mean I let myself down or wasted my time. I just gave myself the grace to accomplish something different instead. I could dwell on the fact that it’s not the way that I planned it to be, or I could spin it to still be effective, just for a different outcome.

Maybe that’s also how I need to spin the way I look at blank spots on my calendar. Rather than being so hard on myself to fill in every time slot, maybe the intention is to keep some spots blank. I think planning downtime needs to actually be scheduled onto my calendar.

Or maybe it’s time to give myself the grace to write “BEING time” down in an actual time slot on my calendar. That way, I won’t always pressure myself to write over those blank spots, filling them with more doing.

Either way, I really am working on balancing BEING with DOING. Stay tuned for the summer of more…BEING.