Throughout the years on the Elite Youth Tour, as well as generally in the bowling world, I have seen so many youth bowlers feel weighed down by pressure.

I’ve also seen a lot of that pressure coming from their own parents.

As parents, of course, we want the best for our kids. But excessive, even intense, pressure will never be really helpful. I’ve seen that kind of parental pressure break some youth bowlers down. Some even outright quit bowling when it gets too much to handle.

Helping our youth succeed is not about excessive pressure or forcing anything on them.

Let them choose their journey. Let’s just be there for them as a guide.

Understandably, though, that’s an area some parents can have difficulty navigating.

Last year, I started putting on workshops specifically for parents. This gave me a chance to interact with parents outside of tournaments, and it led to some important conversations.

Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s journey, not just their character and mindset. And that raises important questions.

Are we helping them see opportunities? Do we support them in a way that puts them in the best position for success in their life?

By continuing to grow ourselves, we can also show them that growth is a journey of constantly learning. And constantly seeing new opportunities for further growth.

My son Madden has always known that baseball was his thing. No one had to tell them that. He just knew. And it makes me so proud to see him just go after it. At the same time, I love that he is totally thriving as a baseball player and as a youth bowler. He has this great balance of his baseball life and friends while also being able to grow and compete as an individual in bowling. Both of those pursuits are opening opportunities for him.

As for Jersey, she has always really carried my Grandma Betty’s social spirit as her own.  She loves bowling because it is social. She has all her little girlfriends at bowling, and she bowls mainly for the love of all that. (Or, to earn incentive money from my dad for her strikes and spares.) But then, what I see in her is that, beyond the great time she is having, she’s actually really good. Like, really, really good.

At the last EYT, she made the cut for her Junior Gold spot. To get their spot, the youth bowled a tournament within our tournament. She didn’t know it was entered into the Junior Gold qualifier. She just made the cut without trying and bowled her high game, which was amazing. So, I told her that I can see some greatness coming from her. And I’ve begun talking to her about what could happen if she decided to take this more seriously. I’m not going to pressure her to take the path that I took. But if she were to pursue it on any level beyond being just a social sport, it could open up a lot of opportunities for her.

If I hadn’t guided her and shown her how she could turn her natural talent into something more, maybe she would never have pursued it or known her potential. Sometimes, kids need help seeing themselves in a different way and seeing all of the available choices for their lives. They should always have their own choice. But first, they need to see the choices and their own skills. 

We are their mentors, guiding them as they make choices. People of all ages benefit from mentors to help them see what they can’t see on their own. But kids, being kids, are not usually at that mature phase in life to seek out a mentor. So it is up to those in their immediate circle to naturally act as one.

As much as we don’t want to push our kids, we shouldn’t be complacent about them developing interests and skills.

So, I told Jersey that I am open to practicing with her throughout the summer if she wants to.

The truth is that I really didn’t get serious about bowling until I was like 12, and she’s only 10. She is already better than I was at that age. At the very least, I want her to be aware of that level of talent. I mean, as a parent, why wouldn’t I want to encourage her to see the doors that could open for her?

She’s also very good at dancing, but that is something she already knows. I just have the inside track in bowling, and I happen to know that it can be a ticket to a good education through the various scholarships available.

As parents, we just have to maintain that fine balance of showing the options while not actually putting pressure on them. We must simply allow them to see their natural skills so that they can really lean into what they choose – if they choose to.

I personally put all of my eggs in one basket with my bowling. That was my choice. I also wouldn’t have changed anything. But…that doesn’t mean it is the only way. Or Jersey’s choice.

Whatever she ultimately chooses, the bottom line is that I am there to support her throughout her journey of discovering her own potential.