I’m an empath. Empaths feel emotions very deeply… the good and the bad. And throughout my career, there have been times where for whatever reason- people just didn’t like me. And, it really bothered me. As much as I tried to not let it bother me- I couldn’t.

Not everyone is going to like you. It doesn’t matter who you are, there’s always going to be people who don’t accept you. And that’s okay. You can’t possibly make everyone like you. These are things I now know. I didn’t earlier in my life. I don’t think I was supposed to know or to understand. I was supposed to live through it, reflect on it, and learn from it.

It’s not our job to change someone else’s view of us, nor should we ever change ourselves for them. There is enough space in the universe for everyone to just be themselves. If people can’t see or appreciate me for who I am, that’s actually not my problem. And it’s definitely not something worth spending any energy on at all. But. I did spend energy on it. I did call home crying from college because “they” just didn’t like me. “Why don’t they just accept me for who I am?”

None of it really matters to me anymore. I’ll still notice, of course, but now I just let it go. As I’ve matured in my career and life, I have given myself permission to just be who I am and to not feel the need to prove anything. But boy, did it matter to me then. It wasn’t until later- much, much later that I realized those moments had NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with them. And their insecurity. In general, people have a hard time with others who are secure in who they are. Because most people aren’t secure and it can be intimidating.

And as I’ve written about before, I’ve been criticized a lot — for my success, for my kindness, for any number of things. I’ve learned that we can be criticized for just about anything! I mean- I was nice. And people found fault in it.

I’ve been in enough difficult situations in my career though and worked with many people who did not like me, to recognize that it can still be hard in those moments. Sometimes even awkward. It can feel like a struggle, having to work with somebody that doesn’t like you. Gosh, I have even had teammates that have not accepted me. And that can be super awkward. Not to mention heartbreaking. 

I’ll never forget one particular moment during a team event during my career. A teammate of mine had a stronger position on the team and she was bowling better than me. I was still quite new to the team scene and when I would throw a great shot, she would blatantly ignore me. Normally, it was just courtesy to come back and hit everybody with a high five if you throw a great shot or bowl a strike. That’s just what we did. Well, at that tournament, whenever I would throw a really good shot and strike, she refused to put up her hand for me. I would slap everyone’s hand with high fives, except hers. I would literally have to go around her. That not only made me feel strange but actually made everyone feel awkward. Why wouldn’t we all actually root for each other and lift each other up? It was so hurtful.

When we are on a team, we are not there just for ourselves. We’re a team. That strike is your strike just as much as it is mine.

I let it go though. Because holding onto that unsupportive energy is more harmful. What’s important is holding onto my own good vibes.

When I am on a team, trying to contribute to my team’s success, I am bringing to it the best of me. I’m here with all that I have and I’m genuine. This is me. I’m going to give you my best with all of my good intentions. And I can only give what I have to give. I can’t make you like me. And that’s all you can ever do in life. You either accept it or you don’t. I can’t control how you are receiving it.

But I recognize that isn’t easy or a natural instinct for everyone to be able to ignore other people’s reactions. I see it often, people overthinking how others are perceiving them, especially on teams. 

I have seen firsthand that competitions, even when on the same team, can be a breeding ground for comparison, for insecurity, for all sorts of negative feelings.

My advice now, that I tell my students, is to be strong enough and brave enough and courageous enough to be you, no matter how others perceive you. You can’t control what other people have in their minds about you. So I teach the importance of really valuing and staying true to your personal style and strengths, in every situation — on a team, on your own and in life. It is too toxic otherwise. Instead of basing anything about you on someone else’s thinking, think about this. You are the only you on this planet! There’s only one you! So, just be genuine. Just be you, unapologetically. 100% of the time.

Shift and look at your life with gratitude for everything you are and everything you bring to the world. Feel proud of who you are. That’s incredibly powerful.

I also choose to admire, and be inspired by, people who are different from me, whether they’re on my same team or my competitors. It is so much more empowering to look at others with respect, rather than negative emotions.

Plus, I believe those who are strong enough and brave enough to be themselves, no matter what other people think, will make more of a difference in the world.

Have you struggled with someone else trying to tell you who you were? How did you deal with that?

Now, excuse me as I go continue to kill them with kindness. . .