It’s very easy to get wrapped up in things that you can’t control. You get distracted.

When I’m standing up in the 10th frame of an important match and I need a strike to win, am I thinking about what other people are expecting or am I focused on what I can control? What I can control is where I’m sliding and where my ball is going to roll. If I am focused on what I can control, I will likely win. If I’m focused on other people’s expectations and that outside pressure I will lose. I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve made the mistake of feeling that pressure. Pressure. What even is pressure? To me, it’s OTHER PEOPLE’S expectation for you. 

If you spend your life worrying about the expectations of others, and if you invite that pressure, you’ll fail over and over and over and over.

I have failed, losing my share of games due to pressure.

In the beginning of my bowling career, it felt easier to win because I was the underdog. There wasn’t any pressure. Those early years, I was known as “Kassy’s little sister.” My sister is three years older than me and did everything before I did. She also showed me that if you put in the time and effort, you can be rewarded by winning.

Then when I stepped out of her shadow, people began to take notice. Early on, everyone began whispering, “let’s see how good Kassy’s little sister really is.”

When I started showing up and consistently winning, I was suddenly no longer known as Kassy’s little sister. I had a name. I had become Diandra. That was a huge turning point in my life (but that’s another entire story for another post). 

Along with the attention came people’s expectations. They were heightened, all of a sudden. I wasn’t the underdog anymore. I was someone to really watch. And I had to manage those expectations. And it was hard. I remember feeling the weight of all of those new expectations. I could hear the chatter, “can this Diandra girl actually sustain these wins?”

So there I was handling the expectations of other people, looking at me and expecting me to either succeed or fail. They were either rooting for one or the other; they’re rooting for me to miss or they’re rooting for me to strike. And I had to stay strong enough to keep from really getting wrapped up in other people’s expectations of me.

One of the hardest things in any sport is to manage people’s expectations. Many people are defeated in those moments, because of this pressure and they’ll never get past fleeting success if they don’t learn to overcome it.

So many people lose themselves to pressure.

I think the key is to focus on friending yourself and realizing that the most important opinion is inside you. Put that first before anyone or anything else. Speak to yourself and find out what you want before you think about what other people want for you or how you think you might appear in their eyes. Too many people seek approval when how anyone perceives you is really beyond your power.

I’ve realized that in order to succeed and win, you have to focus intently on the most exact things you can control, what’s inside our own minds and what’s within our universe. All that other stuff that’s out of my control is just distraction.

I have lost many tournaments because I was worried and became distracted. I was thinking about the past or thinking about the future… What did that person just bowl? Or I’ll compare. I only bowled this and they bowled that. Or maybe they bowl a little differently, and they are doing something better than me. So, should I be doing that?

By getting lost in those pressure-based distractions, I lose my own focus and control over what is in my power. Every time. And each time, I’m reminded, usually with failure, that my successes happen when I focus — on what I can control, not on what is out of my power. 

What I need to do is stay in the present, with my focus on any thoughts and actions. And that’s where anyone’s power is. You have the power of being present because you control the decisions you’re making in the moment and where your mind is.

When I need to return to the moment, I start thinking about where I am sliding on the lane. What is my ball rolling over at the arrows? What about my body movements, my follow through, my knee bend?

In life, as much as in any sports, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in things that we can’t control. With family and friends, we’re often in the position where we have to manage other people’s approval or expectations of us. But really, we can never have control over any of that. And if we take a moment to think about it, we’ll realize that all that pressure we’re experiencing is just self-induced. It’s not anything more than that. Pressure is just mismanaging expectations and focusing on these expectations rather than focusing within. So it’s all about how you manage it and understanding where our true power is. That’s so key to life.

Just giving myself that simple grace and understanding has helped free me from so much pressure. Everything shifts when you realize that. And you’ll see, it directly impacts how you experience any moment.