We knew it was coming as soon as she reached for her compact mirror from her purse.. Every time she did it, Kassy and I giggled. It happened in van rides to tournaments, and in hotel rooms.

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Growing up, my Grandma Betty went with us to every tournament. We would laugh a lot together during those trips and sometimes we’d even laugh ourselves to sleep. Some of the best memories from those trips were in the car or in the hotel room. We had so many great memories with my Grandma Betty but a top memory of her that always stands out is the quirky thing she would always do. It always made both my sister and me giggle – and love her even more.

My Grandma Betty would take out her compact mirror to check herself in the mirror, and as soon as she saw her face, she would say, “oh, so gorgeous!” Sometimes it was, “Just gorgeous.” She did it so often that whenever she pulled out her mirror, we knew what she was about to do and say. She would always say this same thing. It was believable, too. She never laughed when she said it. I didn’t really think anything of it when I was a kid, other than that it was cute and funny. We would giggle and roll our eyes.

What I wasn’t aware of then, and what I am aware of now when I look back on it, is that she was teaching us one of the most important lessons in life through that quirky little thing that she did. The lesson she was teaching us was simple really. It was to love ourselves.

Building confidence at a young age is so imperative to a young person’s success. Nowadays, we live in a society where a lot of people struggle to love themselves. So much of that has to do with social media, and feeling compared to other people’s “filtered” lives and appearances. It is so easy to scroll through everybody’s highlights of their life, thinking that that is their life. The truth is that these pictures are filtered and curated. You’re not seeing the whole picture. You are seeing snippets. Those are just the good parts of their life and we all need to realize we have some of our own best parts. 

Grandma Betty showed us at a young age that it’s okay to actually love yourself fully for who you are, and to do it unapologetically. I think that’s how I grew some of my own confidence. I grew up around people who were confident in themselves so that helped me become secure in who I was. I know that I’m not perfect but I love myself, imperfections and all. Even though sometimes people may have questioned it, I have always simply felt this inner sense of security in who I am. When I was in college, I think that was the problem some people had with me. Some people couldn’t understand how I had such a strong sense of security in who I was. Those who weren’t as secure thought, why is she so full of herself? They looked at it like it was a bad thing to be that way. They attributed it to arrogance or something that it wasn’t.

But why can’t you just be confident? Why can’t you look at yourself in the mirror, like my Grandma Betty did, and acknowledge all of the really great things about yourself and not feel guilty about it? Why does loving herself have to be mistaken for arrogance? More people of all ages should be proud of who they are and unapologetic about all their good stuff. 

I’ll admit there was a time in my life that I did feel the need to shrink for the sake of others. I just saw the perfect quote that sums up that idea (said by Marianne Williamson): 

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”
Don’t let anybody make you feel bad for being proud of who you are.

No matter what anyone else is doing or how anyone else is showing up in the world, it’s important to love who you are and how you are showing up. Love yourself, unapologetically.

This is the advice that I live by, and tell my kids all of the time. You do you. You cannot compare yourself to anyone else out there.

I think everyone has to be reminded once in a while.  

I once had a serious comparison conversation with my daughter, Jersey, when she was younger and had just started watching a lot of Tik Tok. I reminded her that I didn’t ever want her comparing herself, and thinking she needed to change in some way based on what she was seeing online. I looked her in the eyes and said, “listen. What I’m about to say is important. When you watch these videos, it’s very easy to compare yourself to those people, but I don’t want you to ever do that.” I wanted to be sure she feels confident in her individuality.

Everybody comes from a different home with different foundation beliefs and lifestyles. In our house, we have always wanted our kids to have confidence in themselves. It’s how we live our lives and how we parent. I feel fortunate that John and I align in our values and in our parenting. We’ve always believed in empowering our kids. And now we have these kids who are confident and believe in themselves more and more every day. 

I’ve written this before too that I attribute a lot of their confidence to our choice to put them in Montessori. The Montessori philosophy empowered them to realize from a young age how truly capable they are. They learned that they don’t have to be afraid of falling down or making mistakes. They can just get right back up again and figure it out. So some of their confidence stems from that sense of independence and self-security Montessori instilled in them. They realized from a young age that they can do most things for themselves. 

The rest of their confidence has sort of been one of those unintentional intentional things that has blossomed through our parenting style and being around people who believe in them. That kind of support allows them to have so much confidence in life. A couple weeks ago on a commercial set, Jersey was even joking around with the producer and made him laugh. Not a lot of kids would have the confidence to be funny with an adult and make a room of adults laugh with them. She has become so naturally confident in her own skin that it sometimes wows me.

Both of our kids have developed a strong confidence in themselves. I love seeing their confidence growing stronger every year.  That’s beautiful. Just Gorgeous.

Grandma Betty would think so too.