Last week, I had the honor of putting on workshops with the Bohn Elite Training in New Jersey. Leslie Bohn recruited me to come and talk to her amazing youth league to get them prepped for Junior Gold. And also for a workshop for parents about how they can empower their youth bowler. 

Leslie (wife of legendary Parker Bohn III) also told me that she follows Beyond the Lanes and loves how I’m teaching the important lessons we learn Beyond the Lanes.

But it’s not lost on me that they could have easily gotten anyone in the world to come to do a workshop for them. So, I won’t deny that it felt so flattering that they chose me to come out to their training center.

Putting on that workshop specifically for parents also gave me a chance to really interact with parents while having important conversations about the sport. It was a small group, and I actually loved that the workshop turned into a kind of roundtable discussion about how to best support young athletes. I felt like the parents who showed up really wanted to get better at being there for their child.

Having been a youth bowler myself, I know what these kids are going through. And now, being a parent too, I was able to bring in that perspective.

What to do when it’s difficult. What to do when they’re having success.

Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s character and mindset.

I always say that you become who you’re around. And that applies to how parents have an influence on their young athletes.

Are you supporting them in a way that puts them in the best position for success? In between and before events, what is your focus?

For the workshop, I put together a dashboard of questions to ask and dialogues worth having with your child athlete.

The fact is that the culture of winning isn’t just winning, but rather it’s a process… It’s an athlete’s entire life. Not just their life within the game. It’s the people in their life. It’s their mindset. It’s their available resources. It’s before games and after. It’s all of the things that make an athlete perform and feel their best.

When you are a parent to a young athlete, you have more power than you may realize to help foster that culture of winning for them. It’s so crucial you recognize parallels between their experiences on and beyond the lanes. 

If we are being real – you have the power to make or break them.

And while you might be telling your athlete to keep learning, are you doing the same yourself?

It’s important to be honest with yourself… that even as a parent, you don’t know everything.

Being parents, we’re put in this position to guide our youth toward growth and success. With that comes the feeling that we naturally must know everything about how to do that. It’s like the moment we become a parent, we’re supposed to instantly know exactly what we need to do in every situation.

It’s important to remind ourselves that it’s okay not to know everything.

As I tell my bowlers all of the time… Trying to be perfect isn’t honest.

And there’s power in honesty.

Rather than being the perfect supposed-to-know-everything parent, why not show your vulnerability? Your willingness to learn.

By continuing to learn yourself, you can show the athlete in your life that success at anything takes constant learning. 

And, when you mess up. Own it. 

Then the athlete in your life sees that all growth is a journey. 

I’ll admit I’m a very even-keeled parent and person in general. But that doesn’t mean I don’t lose my patience sometimes. When I do, I have the self-awareness to admit it. I’ll immediately approach my children, look them in the eye and say, “I’m sorry I lost my patience. I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’ll be better next time.”

Owning your mistakes creates a vulnerable culture of growth. It shows your children that you’re not perfect. You also make mistakes, but you own those mistakes. Also, it shows them that it’s ok to say, “I’m sorry. I’ll be better.”

So many people think that being vulnerable is a weakness. To me, it’s kind of the opposite. It shows your strength.

I think a lot of parents also look at workshops and similar learning opportunities and think, I don’t need that.

Why not admit that you do? Why not say, You know what, I don’t know enough about that. 

Maybe I can be more supportive. Maybe I can learn from someone else about how to help my kids along on their athletic journey.

Through your own vulnerability and openness to learn and grow, you are essentially setting an example.

Athletes, being competitive, often put a lot of pressure on themselves. This often includes pressure to know everything. When they see that even as a parent, you are still learning every day how to do better, they see a healthy example of a growth mindset.

I’ve realized that this doesn’t just apply to parents. This really applies to anyone with a young athlete in their life. It could be your granddaughter or your nephew. The bottom line is that anyone can learn ways to be more supportive along the entire journey.

When you are in their lives, you can contribute to their culture of winning. 

How are you setting them up to succeed?