At Madden’s eighth grade graduation a few weeks ago, I looked over at my dad, and half jokingly said, “I’m really glad you’re alive to experience this.” 

But, while looking at my dad, deep down I was feeling how grateful I am that he is still here and always so present in my life, and in the life of my kids.

It is all too easy to take the people with you during these moments for granted. To just think they’re always there – and always will be.

But just months ago, that my dad would be there on this day wasn’t such a certainty.

As a recap, last September, my dad had a brain aneurysm (subarachnoid hemorrhage). He collapsed at work. To say the ensuing weeks in ICU and months of recovery were an extreme emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. Honestly, everything that happened has kept me especially present, appreciative and showing up with gratitude in my heart for having my dad in my life. My dad is my guy. We are so close. We have such a tight relationship.

When something tragic occurs, it really gives you a different perspective for who is actually able to be there beside you in life.

Father’s Day weekend is also a weekend of celebrating, reflecting upon, and appreciating the father figures we have in our lives. What having those people in our lives has given us – and who we are because of them.  So it feels quite fitting that Madden’s graduation was a few weeks ago. I really could not fathom my dad missing that day.

For my dad, Madden is the boy he gets to experience baseball with – and someone to share all of the other boy experiences he has been waiting to be a part of… He always wanted a boy but ended up with us two girls. He couldn’t convince my mom to have any more kids. Then, my sister had two girls. So, he patiently waited for his boy grandkid. He loves all of his grandkids equally, but they get to share that boy bond. 

For both of my kids, my dad has been an undoubtedly strong pillar in their life. He doesn’t want to miss anything. He wants to be there for everything. He always shows up. He never makes excuses. He has become so much a piece of who Madden and Jersey are becoming.

Just as he is so much a piece of who I am – and who I have become. As I always say, you become who you’re around.

I also acknowledge that not everyone has the same story of having such positive father figures. That makes me even more grateful that my children get to experience having such a present – and intentional – father AND grandfather. I never really had a chance to experience having a grandpa the way Madden and Jersey are able to with my dad. One grandfather died before I was born, and the other passed away when I was 12. 

What I experienced while growing up was just how generous and kind my dad was with everyone. So I can see that my own generosity and kindness comes straight from my dad, having seen this behavior modeled. He was (and still is) just such a good example of what it means to be a parent. How I was brought up, and what I saw in a male figure, was also what I wanted in a husband. When I found John, I saw that he carried a lot of those same qualities.  John has become everything I ever wanted for a father of my children, and I feel so blessed with my life with John.

It’ll probably be years before my kids truly grasp just how much of both John and my dad are in them. But the cycle continues. My kids are going to carry my dad and John on with them.

Parents, or parental figures, play such a crucial role in shaping a child’s lifelong character.

Whether a father or a mother – or something else – parental figures become a piece of you.

And let’s just say I was extra grateful to have my dad here with us for this year’s Father’s Day. And that John is always so intentional about how he shows up as a father too.