Lead Yourself First

The gym is empty. The lanes are open. Nobody is keeping score.

This is where champions are made.

Not at the tournament. Not in front of the cameras or the coaches or the people you’re trying to impress. In the quiet. In the repetition. In the moments nobody sees but you.

Self-leadership isn’t loud. It doesn’t announce itself. It shows up in the choices you make when there’s no applause at the end.

What Leading Yourself Actually Looks Like

It looks like having a plan before you walk through the door.

Not hoping today goes well. Not throwing shots and seeing what happens. A plan. A target. A purpose for every frame you throw.

It looks like showing up even when you don’t want to. Especially then.

Because showing up when you’re motivated is easy. Showing up when you’re tired, frustrated, or just not feeling it is where your character gets built. And it looks like refusing to just go through the motions. You can be physically present and mentally somewhere else entirely. That’s not practicing. That’s just occupying space.

Real self-leadership is full presence. Every shot, every spare, every drill.

What You Do When No One’s Watching

Here’s the truth about integrity: it’s not what you do at the biggest tournament of the year. It’s what you do on a Tuesday afternoon with no one watching and nothing on the line.

Do you practice your spares when you don’t have to? Do you work through your approach even when your ball isn’t hitting? Do you keep competing even when the math says you’re done?

That last one matters more than people realize.

Never stop competing just because you’re mathematically out. Something might be revealed in the tenth frame that shapes how you bowl at the next tournament. A pattern. A lane adjustment. A spare you’ve been missing for months. You don’t know what’s coming. And neither does anyone else in the room.

The athletes who grind through the invisible struggles are the ones who arrive at future opportunities already prepared. They’ve done the work nobody saw. And when it counts, that work shows.

How to Bounce Back When You Feel Off-Course

You will feel off-course. That’s not a warning. That’s a promise.

There will be blocks where nothing clicks. Seasons where your scores don’t reflect your effort. Moments where you stand on the approach and wonder why you’re even here.

When that happens, go back to the beginning.

Remember why you started. Not why your parents wanted you to bowl. Not why your coach thinks you have potential. Why you started. Chances are it was fun. It was something that lit you up before the scoreboard and the pressure got involved.

Find that again. Even in the hardest practices, there’s something in the game worth loving. The sound of the ball hitting the pins just right. The feeling of a clean release. The moment a spare clicks.

The struggle isn’t a detour. The struggle is a big part of the journey. Most athletes want the result without the resistance. But the resistance is where you grow. Lean into it instead of fighting it.

The Daily Mindset That Keeps You Aligned

This one is simple. But it’s the thing most athletes forget.

It’s not supposed to be easy.

Read that again. It is not supposed to be easy.

If becoming a champion were easy, everyone would do it. The difficulty isn’t the problem. The difficulty is the point. It’s the filter. It’s what separates the athletes who want it from the athletes who are willing to do what it takes to get it.

When a practice is hard, good. When a tournament feels impossible, good. When your mind is telling you to quit and your legs are heavy and nothing is going right… good.

That’s where your self-leadership gets tested. And if you show up anyway, if you keep going, if you lead yourself through it without anyone forcing you to… you become the kind of athlete that other people simply cannot outwork.

Not because you were gifted more. Because you led yourself when no one else was in the room.

The Takeaway

You can’t lead a team, a lane, or a tournament if you can’t lead yourself first.

Build the plan. Show up fully. Compete until the last ball. Find the fun. Embrace the hard.

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Train Like an Athlete, Think Like a Leader

The lane is quiet at 10 a.m. before Diversey River Bowl open their doors to the public.

No crowd. No scoreboards. No one watching. Just me, the arrows, and the sound of a ball hitting the pocket the way it’s supposed to. That’s where I learned what training really means. Not in the spotlight. In the silence.

People think training ends when competition does. That once the titles are won and the trophies are shelved, the work stops. It doesn’t. Not for me. Not for anyone who has built their life around the discipline of getting better.

I’m a World Champion. A three-time Hall of Famer. I spent fifteen years on Team USA. But none of that is the reason I still train. I still train because training is who I am. It’s not something I did. It’s something I do.

How I Train Now

Mentally, I train every time I sit across from a young athlete and help them separate the voice that analyzes from the voice that criticizes. I built my “12 Frames to Mastering the Mental Game” curriculum because I lived every single one of those frames first. The lessons I teach aren’t theories. They’re scars that healed into strategies.

Physically, my body learned decades ago that stillness is not the same as rest. I move because movement keeps me sharp. It keeps my energy matched to the pace of the life I’m building.

Emotionally, I train by choosing to be honest with myself. When something goes sideways, I don’t perform strength. I ask the question I’ve asked myself a thousand times: “What is this teaching me?” That question has saved me more times than any strike ever did.

What Leadership Looks Like Right Now

Leadership, for me, doesn’t look like a corner office or a title on a business card.

Right now, it looks like being a solo founder running four businesses and making hard calls every single day about where my time goes. It looks like saying no to things that look good on paper so I can say yes to the things that actually move the needle.

The Bowler’s Agency. Beyond the Lanes. Elite Youth Tour. Striking Showcase. Nobody handed me a playbook for building all of that at once. I wrote it while I was living it. And some days I’m still writing it.

But leadership also means being visible. Showing parents how to support their young bowler without coaching from the bleachers. Showing athletes that your skills get you to the door, but your mindset walks you through it. Leadership right now is less about titles and more about showing up consistently. Especially when nobody is watching.

The Moment My Athlete Mindset Made Me a Better Leader

I want to talk about Striking Showcase for a second.

You’ll start hearing about it soon and think it’s new. It’s not. I tried to launch it twice before. Two different times, two different versions. And both times, something felt off. The timing wasn’t right. The vision wasn’t fully formed. The pieces weren’t where they needed to be.

A different version of me might have forced it. Might have pushed through just to say I did it. But the athlete in me knew better. In bowling, you learn fast that forcing a shot you don’t have leads to an ugly result. You read the lane. You adjust. And sometimes, you wait.

So I waited.

I didn’t look at those two attempts as failures. I looked at them as practice frames. Each one showed me what wasn’t working. Each one sharpened what the platform needed to become. And when the right time finally came, I was ready. Not because I rushed. Because I prepared.

That’s the athlete mindset applied to leadership. You don’t abandon the goal. You don’t force the timeline. You trust your preparation, read the conditions, and make your move when everything lines up.

This version of Striking Showcase is better than anything I could have built the first or second time around. And it exists because I had the discipline to wait for it.

To the Young Girls Reading This

Lead yourself before you try to lead anyone else.

That means knowing your own voice before the world tells you what it should sound like. It means showing up when it’s hard. Showing up when nobody claps. Showing up when the girl next to you makes it look effortless and you feel like you’re grinding for every single pin.

You don’t need permission to be strong. You don’t need to apologize for being competitive. And you definitely don’t need to wait for someone to hand you a lane.

Walk up to the approach. Set your feet. Throw the ball.

The pins don’t care if you’re nervous. They only care if you commit.

Your skills get you to the door. Your mindset walks you through it.

March is about renewal. About looking at what didn’t work and choosing to see it differently. About training, not just your body, but your mind and your heart. About leading yourself first so you can lead others well.

Whatever lane you’re standing on right now, trust your preparation. Read the conditions. And when the time is right, don’t hesitate.

Throw the ball.

Ready to take the first step? Grab your copy of Out of the Settee: A Parent’s Playbook for Navigating Competitive Youth Bowling and start building the mindset that matters most. www.parent.beyondthelanes.com/out-of-the-settee

The Process Is the Point

At some point in bowling, the numbers get loud.

Average. Series. Carry. Missed spares. Strikes that feel pure. Shots that feel stolen from you.

Results slowly take over the conversation in your head. And without even realizing it, the lanes start to feel heavier. Practice turns into pressure. Competition turns into comparison.

That’s usually when something needs to change.

Because chasing results alone will never be enough. Not for the long run. Not for the days when the pins don’t fall your way. Not for the weeks when progress feels invisible.

What carries you is the process.

Falling in Love With the Process

Falling in love with the process starts with how you talk to yourself.

Instead of saying, “I have to practice,” you say, “I get to bowl.”

You get to work on your game. You get to feel the ball in your hand. You get to learn, adjust, fail, and try again.

That mindset shift matters more than people think.

Bowling is repetition. Shots that look the same from the outside but feel completely different on the inside. Footwork. Timing. Release. Targeting. Over and over again. When you stop resisting it and start embracing it, practice becomes meaningful rather than monotonous.

The secret to getting where you want to go is loving the journey that takes you there.

When Results Stop Being Enough

Most bowlers don’t wake up one day obsessed with scores. It happens slowly.

You bowl well. Your average climbs. People notice. Compliments come when the strikes come. Before long, a bad game feels personal and a good one feels like relief instead of joy.

Then you have a night where nothing carries. Corners stand. Breakpoints feel wrong. You execute shots and still don’t get rewarded.

That’s when you realize something important.

You can throw the ball well, but not like the result.
You can throw the ball poorly and still strike.
You can do your job and still not get what you want.

If your happiness depends on the score, bowling will eventually take more from you than it gives.

The Routines That Bring Peace

Peace comes from preparation.

A practice plan brings peace because you know why you are there. You are not just bowling games. You are working on something specific.

A schedule brings peace because it removes decision fatigue. You trust the work because you trust the structure.

Seeing growth brings peace, even when scores do not. Better shots. Cleaner releases. More repeatable motion. Better decisions. Those things matter, whether the scoreboard reflects them or not.

These routines ground you when bowling feels unpredictable. They remind you that progress is happening under the surface, frame by frame, rep by rep.

From Chasing Scores to Owning the Journey

Bowling teaches control better than almost any sport.

You can control your routine.
You can control your commitment.
You can control your focus and your response.
You can control the quality of each shot you throw.

You cannot control carry.
You cannot control transition.
You cannot control what anyone else bowls.

When you put more emphasis on the journey, pressure loosens its grip. Confidence becomes steadier. Performance often improves, not because you forced it, but because you stopped fighting the things you cannot control.

You can give everything you have to the process.
You can let go of the outcome.

That is where freedom lives.

The Point of It All

The process is not just a path to better scores.

It is where trust is built. Where patience is learned. Where love for the game is protected.

If you wait for numbers to give you joy, you will always feel one shot away from losing it.

If you learn to love the process, you will find purpose every time you step onto the approach.

The work is the gift.
The journey is the reward.
The process is the point.

2025 Word of the Year

As I sit down to cast my vision for 2025, one word keeps rising to the top: Flourish. It’s a powerful word, isn’t it? To me, flourishing means thriving, emerging, and breaking through. It’s the moment all the hard work—the late nights, the setbacks, the planning—comes together to create something extraordinary.

Flourishing isn’t just about thriving for yourself. It’s about helping others thrive, too. It’s about creating a ripple effect—empowering those around you, nurturing relationships, and showing gratitude for the journey. But here’s the thing: flourishing doesn’t happen by chance. It’s the result of intentional action. Of setting up systems. Of laying the groundwork.

Looking back, 2024 was all about preparation. It was the year I built the foundation that will allow me to thrive in 2025. At The Bowler’s Agency, I expanded my reach and refined my services to help even more people create an impact online. While I’ve been fortunate to work with incredible clients like Daria Pajak in the past, 2024 was the year I focused on scaling. I built a dream team—SEO experts, web developers, social media strategists, automation specialists, and project managers—so that we can help more people amplify their impact in 2025.

Beyond the Lanes, my focus was on growth as well. Programs like Mindset Reset gained momentum, providing bowlers with the mental tools they need to build confidence and focus both on and off the lanes. I also introduced the Champion’s Framework workshops, designed to help youth bowlers and their parents prepare mentally and strategically for high-stakes competition. These programs are just the beginning of what I envision for 2025.

Personally, I made big moves to ensure my own ability to flourish. A partial knee replacement gave me the opportunity to come back stronger, both on and off the lanes. While it was a challenging setback in the moment, I know it was a necessary step to thrive in the future. I also dedicated time to my parents, helping them navigate healthcare and supporting them through countless doctor’s appointments. That time and effort were worth every second because flourishing isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about helping those you love thrive, too.

As I reflect on the past year, I’ve realized that sometimes, the results of your efforts aren’t immediate. Some years are meant for preparation. They’re the t-up so you can hit it out of the park the next year. That’s what 2024 was for me. It was the setup—the laying of a foundation for what’s to come. And now, in 2025, it’s time to see that work take root and bloom.

Flourishing in 2025 means living in alignment with my values. It means embracing gratitude, staying rooted in kindness, and finding joy in the process. It means seeing the systems I built in 2024 come to life in ways that allow me to empower others. Whether it’s helping clients at The Bowler’s Agency grow their impact online, inspiring bowlers through Mindset Reset, or mentoring youth bowlers through Champion’s Framework workshops, flourishing isn’t just about what I achieve—it’s about how I can help others thrive, too.

Here’s my challenge for you as we step into 2025: pick a word. Just one. Let it be your guiding light, your anchor, your north star for the year ahead. But don’t stop there. Take a moment to reflect. What systems have you already set up? What groundwork have you laid that’s ready to flourish? And what can you do now to prepare for the year ahead?

Maybe 2024 was your year of preparation. Or maybe 2025 will be. Wherever you are in your journey, know this: your work matters. The quiet moments, the behind-the-scenes efforts, the times you chose growth over comfort—they all add up.

For me, flourishing isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about taking the foundation I’ve built and letting it grow into something extraordinary. And I believe the same is true for you.

So, what’s your word? Let’s make 2025 a year to remember. Let’s flourish—together.

Compounding Days

March Madness just ended for college basketball, and the women’s was a few days ago. I’ll admit I don’t watch the games throughout the whole month like some people do. I watch more of the finals. Even though I don’t watch women’s basketball very much, I find those finals really compelling to watch. Because I like watching champions. And this year, the winning women’s team was actually undefeated the whole season. They were playing against Caitlin Clark’s team, someone who had just broken a ton of women’s basketball records for Iowa.

You may watch those champion players and wonder, what do they do differently that gets them there to those finals?

Champions aren’t made at games.

Becoming a champion doesn’t just happen one day.

It’s the compounding days since you began training in a sport, and of maintaining a champion mindset.

It’s how you respond when things are going really well.

It’s how you respond when you get knocked down at practice or at any game.

It’s how you learn and grow in your game.

It’s how you live like a champion every day, even before you’ve ever won anything.

It’s more of a holistic approach to life, and your game, than just one thing.

And the ones who end up winning the most just have more compounding days of living with that champion’s mindset.

A little over a week ago, Madden was watching the White Sox play on television. During that game, Luis Robert Jr. hit two home runs, and had a game that was a career high. After the game, Madden felt inspired to head to the batting cage to work on his own game.

Part way through batting practice, only a couple hours after the White Sox game, guess who showed up at the same baseball academy? Luis Robert Jr. You should have seen Madden’s eyeballs as he kept staring in disbelief. He had just had a game of his career and yet he kept showing up to work on himself and his game.

That’s what champions do. They’re never really satisfied and don’t allow themselves to get comfortable. It’s that growth mindset as much as anything.

If you look at champions – it doesn’t matter what the sport is, from baseball to basketball or bowling – every champion shows up the same way. That’s the common thread that weaves all sports together. Each sport’s journey may appear slightly different on the surface, but when you are a champion and meet another champion from another sport, you have the overall journey and mindset in common. You intuitively already know the work and mindset that got them there. And that’s inspiring.

Compounding days of a champion mindset also allow us to understand our own individual champion journey – and what makes us perform and feel our best. All of us have a different balance, but champions really focus on find it. From practicing regularly and taking care of our health to understanding the game and seeking out other resources.

There also isn’t an “off season” from the champion mindset. Even when you are not playing games.

Madden has been reading mental game books before bed the past weeks because he is really motivated about the baseball season that is starting up again this week. Even though he hasn’t played a game since the last season ending in October, he’s always thinking about the game and working on something. He has been practicing like a champion. There hasn’t been a month he didn’t work on his game and he has been consistently going to the batting range.

So, if being a champion is your goal, are you living all your days in a way that the compounding effect of all that everyday champion energy and focus is more likely to make you a champion on game days?

Yesterday I traveled to Detroit where I was the emcee for the Final Four NCAA Women’s Bowling banquet. I was inspired by that champion energy. That’s not something you one day wake up with. Those champions in that Final Four banquet last night poured their souls into their craft. They struggled, but still got up. They succeeded, but wanted more. And there is no doubt that they will carry that champions mindset into whatever they choose to do in their life.

Active Pursuit

Last week, the father of someone I’ve coached for many years reached out to me to ask for my insights on the collegiate recruiting process. He mentioned that after visiting some campuses, they were concerned that the bowling coaches weren’t following up. Perhaps they lost interest, he thought.

That conversation brings up a common misconception that is really important to address.

Actively pursuing recruits is a rarity in bowling, with the exception of a few of the very top players like Gianna Brandolino, who may receive multiple offers. However, this lack of being pursued doesn’t accurately reflect a coach’s interest. So, I explained that I didn’t think he was interpreting the situation accurately.

People assume that bowling coaches are exceptional recruiters. However, that is not the case. Their primary focus is running the team. Their job is to run an excellent collegiate bowling program. And to give you the information you need to make a good collegiate decision. With numerous bowlers to manage, they often do not follow up individually. In the midst of their season, managing around 30 bowlers, they just do not have the bandwidth to individually think about everyone interested in joining them the next year. But they do care. If you are lucky enough to put in some face time with the coach of a collegiate program, that’s usually when they will express interest – in person. After that, it’s up to you to follow up.

Their job is not to pursue you. Collegiate coaches simply lack the time and overall capacity to reach out to each prospective new bowler repeatedly.

It’s up to the individual to take the lead in the recruiting process. It’s essentially akin to how one needs to pursue any relationship.

Be the pursuer.

A personal example is when I was preparing for college myself. The truth is that no one actively pursued me. Mainly because they thought I had already made up my mind. When I was a senior in high school, I actively inquired with the University of Nebraska. I actively pursued that by inquiring AND following up. My collegiate coach, Bill Straub, has even openly admitted that he’s not a good recruiter, like most bowling coaches. When anyone is basing decisions on how others are showing interest, it results in losing out on some great opportunities – in the bowling world and beyond.

So, stop waiting for the circle back and start unapologetically pursuing what you want.

It doesn’t make sense to just to sit back and wait. In most cases, pushing you to make decisions and follow up on opportunities is not someone’s priority.

However, passively waiting is what most people do. Most people do not take responsibility. They assume that their decision is someone else’s priority when it isn’t. They assume the interest dissipated and interest waned.

The truth is that you need to take back responsibility and take back control of your decisions by intentionally and actively pursuing what you want.

Have the chutzpah to really go after it.

Have extreme confidence in your pursuit. Because the pursuit is the side that is your control…and because you don’t get what you don’t ask for.

This applies to anywhere in your life where you’re making a really big decision. Whether you are considering applying to a college, a job, or anything. You have to put forth the effort.

We are applying this same strategy to Madden’s application to high schools. Naturally, most schools would theoretically really want someone like Madden. He’s conscientious, kind, a hard worker, excels in sports, and will contribute to the school’s overall community. However, they are not going to be pursuing him. It’s not their job to seek out Madden and ensure he chooses them. That’s Madden’s responsibility. So, we are not waiting around for schools. We’re not going to think, “Oh we didn’t hear from them so they just don’t want Madden.” When applying for high schools, there’s something called a principal’s discretion letter – essentially an opportunity for the student to introduce themselves and explain how they can contribute to the school. Madden is writing that to his number one school of interest, and then he will actively follow up.

Another great example is how John first broke into the culinary world. When he was in culinary school, he aspired to work for Grant Achatz, a leader in culinary innovation. John also read Grant’s book and became inspired by Grant’s own proactive approach when he first started out in the kitchen at The French Laundry. Grant wrote a letter every day to express his desire to work there. So, John thought, “if it worked for him, why not take a page out of his book?” John was prepared to use a similarly proactive approach when reaching out to work in Grant’s kitchen. Fortunately,, he got his foot in the door through this persistent effort and secured an internship at Grant’s restaurant, which was an important start to his career.

The key takeaway in all of this is the importance of active pursuit. That is always the way to get what you want in life. Do not passively wait.