When I was young and people asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” – I always had the same answer: “A Professional Bowler” I’d say it with all the confidence in the world. I never ever had another job in mind other than bowling. I never thought I would make a living at anything else. I had one plan – to rise to the top in bowling. Of course, people would doubt me and just look at me like, “who do you think you are that you think you can become the best in the world at anything?”

Growing up, my parents were amazing to enable my sister and I the opportunities we had. They supported us and didn’t doubt us. My sister and I had dreams and they helped us live those dreams. There were many who believed that my parents didn’t give us a choice or forced us to practice every day, to bowl every event, and commit our lives to the sport. Turns out that’s completely false. It was ALL US. ALL THE TIME. No one EVER made me practice. When I didn’t want to practice- I didn’t. But, that never happened.

When I became a parent, I wanted to be sure my children grew up in a community of support and love. I’ve learned in life that you become who you’re around. We need to be conscious about who we’re around. When it was time for us to start thinking of preschools for Madden- it became overwhelming. Waldorf. Public. Montessori. What? We did our due diligence visiting every sort of preschool there was in Chicago and then landed on one special one. One that I believed has completely changed our lives- and has definitely gotten our children off to the right start in life. (In case you’re wondering their preschool was University Village Montessori and now they are at a Chicago Public Montessori!)  Although the preschool montessori school it would come at a cost- we believed the investment in our children from the get-go would be instrumental for setting them up for success in their lives. It’s hard to “undo” things later in life. We were focused on being sure they had the most amazing jumping-off point to their lives. 

According to Wikipedia: “The Montessori method of education was developed by Italian physician Maria Montessori. Emphasizing independence, it views children as naturally eager for knowledge and capable of initiating learning in a sufficiently supportive and well-prepared learning environment. It discourages some conventional measures of achievement, such as grades and tests. Montessori developed her theories in the early 1900s through scientific experimentation with her students; the method has since been used in many parts of the world, in public and private schools alike.”

Not an emphasis on tests and grades? Yes, please. Child-led? Yes, please. Focus on independence? Yes, please. They nurture that fine balance of kids being able to be independent and do things for themselves but while also teaching them the strength to be able to ask for help when they need it, showing them that sometimes help can make them grow stronger too. Asking for help is not a negative thing and they create a feeling of a community of support. 

Both of my children went through a phase where they would always say, “I can do it. I do it myself.” I would be offering to help them with their coat or whatever and they would say, “no, I do by myself.”  They were learning and being empowered by this Montessori philosophy to try for themselves first. As parents, we feel like we need to do all the things when our children are little to make their lives easier. But what we are doing is stripping them of their independence. If we enable our children to try to do things on their own, even if they fail- then we set them up to approach life that way. Instead of always relying on other people. Just like when my kids put their shoes on the wrong feet. I was taught by the Montessori school- just let them. They did it themselves. They will figure it out. And….they did.

I am so proud of how much my kids believe in themselves and try anything. They’re not afraid. They know their power. When I picked Jersey up from school one day when she was around 1 and a half, her teacher said, “You know Jersey can put her shoes on herself, right?” I replied, “Oh, no she can’t. I do it for her.” They explained that she actually could do it herself. It takes longer than it would take us to put on our shoes, but she’s capable and they encouraged me to build in more time in the morning so that she COULD do it on her own. Wow. What a great lesson for me.

Every year since he was three, around his birthday, I have asked Madden what he wants to be when he grows up. I make a poster with questions and for that question, he has literally always answered the same thing. “A professional baseball player.”

Most kids are playing baseball for fun and thinking there’s no way they would ever get to that point. They hear enough people tell them that “not a lot of people make it to the big leagues.. So they think, “why me? Why would I make it?” They don’t believe in themselves to even dream about it.

Madden’s the opposite. Madden is living with the idea “why NOT me?” He thinks, “my mom did it. She became the best in the world at a sport. She believed she could… and even at such a young age. Why can’t I?” He hears me say that I was the same when I was young. I never had another goal. I just went for it with bowling and pursued it fully without hesitation. So by living with me, knowing that I actually became a professional at a sport, that makes it more realistic to him and his thinking isn’t based on doubt the way it is for so many others. 

What if all kids knew their power? What if all of them lived in a house where their parents said, “Yes, you CAN do that. It will be a challenging road- but if you apply yourself, find the resources that you need, and surround yourself with the right people- why NOT you?”

It’s really important to show my kids that they get to decide how their lives will go. Everyday getting there may not be easy but they get to choose and they can certainly make their lives whatever they choose. I’m telling Madden, “I get you. You want to be a professional baseball player.” He doesn’t want to do anything else. That’s what he wants to be. And I’m just going to be behind him the whole way.

To my surprise, Jersey has begun bowling more lately. She’s already better than I was at seven. She almost always keeps her ball on the lane while I was still using bumpers at her age! She’s also so coachable. Anytime I tell her anything, she literally does it the next shot.  So I’m excited to help her get to wherever she wants to with bowling. The other day we were practicing, she looked at me and said, “mommy, I want to be as good as you when I grow up.” And I replied, “you’re going to be better!”

As I was growing up and even while I was advancing through my career, I faded out doubt and doubters and that allowed me to only see and focus on what really mattered. Believing in myself, no matter what I chose.

Growing up, I was just crazy enough to actually believe I could become the best in the world at bowling. So I’m raising my kids to do the same, so they can be just crazy enough to believe they can do anything too.

What crazy dreams did you have as a child? Were you surrounded by enough support to keep any of those dreams alive?