Before the very first event of the PWBA season, and after a very long hiatus, I was on the lanes ready to get started. The first week I had a great cross, bowling with Kayla Bandy, Maria Bulanova, and Liz Kuhlkin. Before we started competing Liz admitted to something she felt embarrassed by. She said she couldn’t believe how nervous she was. She even mentioned, “I’m embarrassed to admit. . . “

I replied, why is that embarrassing? You’re nervous because you care about what we’re doing. Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re nervous.

We need to normalize being nervous. It really is a normal part of the experience. There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel it. It’s not a negative emotion- so why do so many try to push it away?

There’s nothing wrong with feeling that emotion. When younger bowlers are bowling and they hear that the pros don’t feel nervous (when they clearly do feel nervous just as much of the time), they get the wrong impression — they think there’s something wrong with them for feeling nervous. So they’re so afraid to admit it, as if it’s a bad thing that they’re nervous. But the truth is that those pros who say that they’re never nervous are not being honest about their entire experience because every person feels nervous at some point. I’m not sure why they are too proud to not just embrace the real feelings they are feeling. Why mislead others into thinking they aren’t nervous?

When we’re experiencing something that is new or challenging, our emotions can take over. It is totally okay to feel all the feelings when we are doing anything in our lives that matters to us. It’s not about pushing them away. It’s all about managing the feeling, in this case, nervousness. Embrace it, acknowledge it and then mindfully manage it.

I caught myself feeling nervous on some shots up on the approach that day too. I’m not averse to that. Reflecting on the highs and the lows in my career, I so clearly remember so many of those moments actually. I’ve just learned to manage those feelings. Don’t let whatever you are feeling defeat you. If you get too wrapped up in the emotions, you’re not learning the lesson. So I just try to leave the experience feeling better than when I arrived in it, whatever the outcome. I have also found that the more I try to push away the nerves- the more nerves I feel. But, the more I embrace and acknowledge my nerves, the easier it is to manage.

The same thing is true for any emotion. They’re all okay.

I know it can be hard sometimes but we’ve all been there. On tour, I’ve already felt nervous, frustrated, all of it. Even though bowling isn’t my full-time job anymore, it means so much to me that those feelings arise. So, when they do, I choose to focus on asking myself, what is the lesson? The second week out on tour, my first block went pretty well and I thought I had a really good handle on things, but every time they run the lanes with the oil machine, it changes. And even though you’re playing on the same pattern, it will play differently. So I just didn’t figure out my ball choice quickly enough and then it was over, with my not making the cut after the second block. I admit that I felt frustrated, but I accepted that feeling. And on my way home, instead of letting that feeling defeat me, I chose to think about what could have gone better and what went well in order to turn it, above all else, into a learning moment.

Those tougher moments are there for you to learn, as much about yourself as about your game.  You learn what you’re made of. I say this a lot, but it’s true that you don’t get success without the struggle, and this is part of it. You don’t get to the end, without those emotions. You don’t get to skip past all that. No one does.

So, the bottom line is feel all of the feelings and also don’t be embarrassed by them, or about anything. I feel that it’s really important to know in life that even if you make a mistake and it feels really bad, it’s all okay. I know that in your mind you think, Oh no, how many people just saw that?! I’m so embarrassed! But there’s no need to be. 

Embarrassment comes from your ego, thinking that everyone is actually so focused on you and catching all of your successes and failures. And it’s just not reality. 

I do have a secret for you though. NO ONE CARES AS MUCH ABOUT YOUR FAILURES AND SUCCESSES THAN YOU.

I have realized over the years that no one cares as much as me in regards to my performance. So if I go up there and I miss an easy spare, which happened that week – I missed an easy spare – it might be easy for me to be embarrassed, thinking about everyone who saw it. You think that everyone is judging you. Sometimes we make up these stories in our head and we paint an elaborate picture. But the reality is no one cares. At least not the way you and your ego does. Everyone around has their own stuff to focus on and they have their own stuff to work out. We just feel embarrassed when our ego gets in the way and tells us differently. So, when that feeling pops up, just acknowledge it, stay present and don’t let it take over.

When I had that little chat with Liz, she said she felt a lot better. She told me, You are so right! (Also shoutout for Liz embracing her nerves LAST week on the PWBA tour where she made the Queens show!)

Managing emotions this way has been so empowering for me. I hope looking at this way helps you manage any of these moments too!

I’d love to hear about any emotions you’ve been feeling lately and how you’re managing it!

When I do feel nervous on the lanes I remind myself that some really important HUGE titles came from those nerves.