I feel like a lot of my life I’ve been misunderstood. As I mentioned in my last post, at times in my life and in my career that was really difficult for me. People tried to paint this picture of me that was completely inaccurate. They often wanted to put me in a box filled with people who are arrogant or overconfident and whose big egos only ever had an agenda. That’s the narrative that they wanted to write instead of the actual true narrative of who I am.

Someone once asked, why are you really so kind? If that is who you are, what made you that way? I’ve been criticized for my kindness just as much as anything. Can you even believe that? Questioning someone’s kindness? 

The truth is that, for me, kindness is kind of common sense and just the way I’ve operated from a young age. Since I was young, I realized that kindness is simple and easy, and makes me feel good. After doing something kind, even small things, like something that might make somebody else’s life easier, it not only made them feel a certain way, but it made me feel a certain way. Sort of like how they say a smile is contagious. And why wouldn’t you chase that great feeling? If you know you can control your own happiness by also making other people happy, why wouldn’t you do that?

According to others though, my kindness was a facade. It wasn’t real, nor was I. I was fake. According to my critics. Everybody thought that they knew who Diandra was. And that was really hard in a lot of different moments of my life and career.

I talked in my last post about how I’ve come to realize why people talked negatively about me or tried to question or tear me down. It was often their insecurities and comparison to blame. When it was happening though, of course, I didn’t see that. I thought it was a problem that I had. Why do they make things up? Why are they trying to paint this picture of me that isn’t accurate? Why are they trying to tear me down?

But people not understanding me, whatever the reason, was still hard for me to hear sometimes. It was super frustrating to not be understood. Because what can you actually do to change how other people understand you? Nothing. It’s out of our control. How they react to us has nothing to do with us. That’s on them, not us. And all we can do is continue to be authentic.

I have struggled with this idea a lot during my career though. The thought of having to prove I am what I am. And I see my students face this now too. The question is, how do you really prove your authenticity?

It’s actually a lot more effort to be anything but yourself. It would never even cross my mind to try to be something else. Too. Much. Effort.

But how do you prove how genuine you are when all you are is genuine? What a crazy dilemma, right?

My advice now, that I tell my students, is to be strong enough and brave enough and courageous enough to be you, no matter how others understand you. In my experience though, I realize it would have been easy to go the other way. I could have been swayed by this pressure. I’ve seen it happen to many. They’ll think, if people can’t see or appreciate me for who I am, then I’ll just be something else. I’ll just become who they want me to be. Who they think I am. 

These individuals are influenced by other people’s narratives. And then, because they aren’t strong enough to stick to their own narrative and to stick to their story, they change and become something other than themselves because of the pressure, because of the influence from other people. I could have easily gone that direction. But I didn’t.

Luckily, I was always constant. Even when I was misunderstood, I was never not myself. As an example, whenever I would go to a party in college, I wouldn’t drink because that’s not who I am. I just didn’t. I was always myself. I was always genuine. And it actually wasn’t hard to be me because, if you can maintain strength against the external pressure, the easiest thing to do is be yourself.

It doesn’t matter what type of person you are though, there’s going to be haters. You can be the kindest, most open-hearted person and there will be people out there who will have a problem with it. And that can definitely be hard because that’s out of your control. You can’t control their narrative about you. So, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again here, just celebrate what you can control, and that is your own narrative about you. When you know who you are, that’s all that matters.

I don’t feel misunderstood anymore because I surround myself now with people who actually do see me for who I am, and keep me elevated. We elevate each other. I’ve talked in previous posts about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who share your vibration. When everyone appreciates people’s differences and celebrates one another, everyone wins. Even within a competitive sport, we can celebrate our everyone’s successes and lift each other up instead of stepping on each other to try to get ahead.

As easy as it is to look back on now with a great sense of knowing, I can still totally remember how frustrating I felt in those early days.

What is your narrative?