As we’re in the last week of the year, I decided to do another end-of-year reflection. This is a selection of topics I wrote about this year based on the ones that got the most replies and responses from you. I love looking back to see how far I’ve come. To be able to write for another 52 consecutive weeks is something I’m very proud of. I hope you will enjoy my 2022 writing highlights. Maybe you share some of the same favorites, or maybe you missed a few that you can revisit now. 

So, here’s a roundup of 2022’s top 20, in no particular order. 

 

Opting In

When I am committed to something, I always choose to opt-in even if there is an easy opportunity available to opt-out. When you’re faced with a decision, and you do have an out, do YOU take it? That opting-in says what it means to you. I surprised a lot of people last weekend when I showed up at the EYT Tournament. And I was surprised by the number of people who sent me messages, shocked that I was at a youth bowling tournament a week after knee surgery. I have an amazing team of people who do a great job, and they could have covered the tournament. I had all the reasons that I could have just relied on them to handle it. But then I would have missed out on seeing little Ruby win her first-ever big tournament. Ruby is in the U12, and she is just 10. She’s been bowling EYT events for probably a year and a half. She’s always there. She always shows up. And then, on Saturday, she won.

 

The Blood, Sweat & Tears Reel

I have talked about this a lot with my youth bowlers.  When they see professional bowlers excel, it’s so public. It gets to the point that all they know about a person is their winning. It can be easy for them to disassociate that person’s success from the work that got them there. They don’t see the journey. They see the end result. Yet, I tell them that the highs, the lows, and the perseverance are all a part of any success story. It’s always been important for me that I connect those dots for the kids. I remind them that Jason Belmonte – or anyone they could name as someone successful they follow – has endured any number of highs and lows while always putting in the work. No one is publishing the blood, sweat, and tears reel. We live in a world of highlights. On social media, all you see is the highlight reel of someone’s life and successes. You don’t see the full journey.

 

Mindset Matters

I recently stated, “I always show up to win,” during another great conversation with my friend Dr. Weems. We were discussing how a competitor can show up at competitions. He challenged me to think about this, saying, “are we speaking in general terms about how everyone shows up if they’re participating in a competition? What about those who are there to participate in the competition, not merely win the competition? Because they’re different. I think it is a mindset and ‘where you are in the process’ issue.” Dr. Weems is right in pointing out that where you are in the process is one of the determining factors of mindset. Even looking at just my two kids, who are only three years apart, I see the differences in where they are at – in mindset as well as along their bowling timeline. They’re both still learning and growing though, but at different stages. It all has to do with where you’re at in life at that moment. Whatever your competition mindset is, as long as it’s a healthy, positive one, I support it. It’s just important to have a mindset. Know what you are competing for. Know what you want to get out of it, then lace up and go get it!

 

A Lesson From a Compact Mirror

Growing up, my Grandma Betty went with us to every tournament. We would laugh a lot together during those trips, and sometimes we’d even laugh ourselves to sleep. Some of the best memories from those trips were in the car or in the hotel room. We had so many great memories with my Grandma Betty, but a top memory of her that always stands out is the quirky thing she would always do. It always made both my sister and me giggle – and love her even more. She would take out her compact mirror to check herself in the mirror, and as soon as she saw her face, she would say, “oh, so gorgeous!” What I wasn’t aware of then, and what I am aware of now when I look back on it, is that she was teaching us one of the most important lessons in life through that quirky little thing that she did. The lesson she was teaching us was simple, really. It was to love ourselves.

 

Nostalgic Celebrations

At Nebraska, I learned what it meant to feel like a true student-athlete. We were treated as athletes, equal with players of other more widely awarded sports like football players. I was named NCAA Student-Athlete of the Year, and that’s taking into consideration all sports, including football and volleyball, which was already such strong sports there. It was the first year that bowling was recognized as an NCAA sport. At the University of Nebraska, there’s an athletic wall dedicated to All-Americans and the Collegiate Bowlers of the Year. My picture is on that wall, and in those four walls, I learned what it takes to become a National Champion. Every time I go back, it makes me feel so much pride. Nebraska gave me the tools I needed to excel and enabled me to reach the highest level of the sport. We went back to Nebraska last weekend to honor my former coach, Bill Straub. The University of Nebraska Athletic Department was having a Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony.

 

Getting Lost in a Story

In the past, whenever anyone has recommended fiction books to me, I’ve always sort of dismissed it as not my thing. I don’t think that way anymore. I just hadn’t found the right book yet to introduce me to the experience. This book felt different. I zoned out of my world and into another one. It activated my imagination! I found myself imagining how all of the characters and scenes looked. I could see pictures in my mind, and that was so much fun. The book allowed me to devise my own creation in my mind. I always looked at reading as being a matter of time. But maybe it’s about creating space, not just in your schedule but in your mind. Maybe I’m finally creating that space in my mind to allow stories into it. It’s a space for putting a pause on your own daily story to submerge yourself in someone else’s story. It’s a bit like watching a movie, but this is a different way to do that at any moment when you pick up the book, even for a few minutes. Reading always used to feel like a sort of mundane, educational thing – the way I associated it with non-fiction only. Now, fiction is sparking my mind in new ways.

 

A Dream, a Plan & A Plane Ticket

In front of me, a young man was showing me a thick binder of his Goals Lab worksheets, fully printed off and all 100% complete. Every single worksheet was printed off and filled in. There were pages and pages of notes filled out, too, for every single video. Hosan traveled all the way from Hong Kong with that binder. Of course, I remembered him from my Goals Lab and was happy to meet him at this year’s first PWBA stop in Rockford. What struck me wasn’t just that he had done all of his homework in Goals Lab or that he wanted me to sign the binder. He told me, “I want you to know that coming to the PWBA tour was my ‘Outerspace goal’ from Goals Lab, and you made me realize that I could reach it.” It was that I had influenced someone’s life on such a level. And that influence led him here to watch the best women bowlers in the world compete. Once a farfetched goal and now a reality. He was standing in front of me with those same goal-setting worksheets that showed him he could do it. He said I had shown him that his dream didn’t need to be just a hope. He could actually do it…and literally get wherever he wanted to go in life.

 

It All Happened Because of You

I write a lot about a turning point in my life when I was 12 years old. I have vivid memories of truly believing that I could be one of the best bowlers in the world one day. Coming from such a small town, I got the feeling that people looked at me like, “who do you think you are that you think you could be the best in the world at anything?” But Mr. T didn’t. Mr. T fed my desire to continue to learn. Mr. T. never gave up on me. It started in Dyer, IN, with Mr. T. A local coach, Dick Tucker, approached my sister, Kassy, on one of our leisurely bowling nights. He showed interest in developing her skills.  Mr. Tucker was very well known in northwest Indiana. At first, none of this involved me, but it would trickle down into my life, and my life would never ever be the same. Before I knew it, Mr. Tucker became Mr. T to me. Rather quickly, our bowling outings went from playful to more focused. I spent less time playing Addams Family pinball and more time trying to understand the sport. Mr. T passed away right before Christmas 2021. I cried because I was afraid I hadn’t told him enough about how much I appreciated him and how much he shaped my bowling career. I cried because he would never be at my future (hopefully) Hall of Fame Ceremony so I could thank him publicly and personally. He WAS the reason I became who I became.

 

Vulnerability is Edgy

Vulnerability is edgy. When you meet someone who is not afraid to let their guard down and be 100% who they are, instead of being afraid of what other people think? Now that’s bold. When I meet people who are vulnerable, I find that they are often quite magnetic. You’re sort of drawn to that quality in them. I also find that it gives you permission to be that as well. Many people think that being vulnerable is a weakness. To me, it’s kind of the opposite. That whole idea of walking around with all those feelings inside you, afraid to show them and be yourself – that can’t be good for you. Real strength is being able to admit imperfection. And even as a mom, I let my kids know I’m not perfect. When I mess up, I own it. It comes down to the importance of understanding who you are. Being you. 100% of the time. Vulnerability is an acute sense of self-awareness. Being aware and then embracing it. I think that’s a really important lesson. Being vulnerable stands out as bold (edgy) because it’s not the norm. But what if showing up honestly was just the norm?

 

An Indiana Connection, a Lucky Penny, and a Title

Bowling has a funny way of bringing life full circle. The Luci Bonneau Striking Against Breast Cancer Mixed Doubles is in Houston, TX, and brings all the best professional bowlers together not just for a professional title but, even more importantly, for a great cause. This is the 22nd year of this event, and they have contributed over 1 million dollars to cancer research. Every pro who shows up at this event feels the same thing. That the reason we are there is way bigger than the strikes thrown. 20 years ago, I won this same tournament. At that time, the tournament was just 2 years old, and I had a different last name. My partner was Dino Castillo. Now, what I’ve learned in my 20 years as a professional bowler is that if you empty your heart onto the lane, in the end, there are no regrets. So that’s what I did. When I stepped onto the final pair again, I laid it all out there. We didn’t force it. We let it be. And so it was. I won a title. Not only did I win a title, but I also won with my kids watching behind me. And bowling with one of the best bowlers in the world, EJ Tackett.

 

Community Gratitude

Community lifts me up. Community is like extended family. In Chicago, John and I live in a tight-knit community where many of us moved in around the same time. The weekend before last, we hosted another annual Friendsgiving for our neighborhood. We had probably 55 people in our house, including kids. The experience always really fills me up and makes me even more grateful for the community that we found here. John made some really good main dishes, and everyone else also pitched in by bringing sides, appetizers, and dessert. Everyone in our community cares and puts in an effort. One of our neighbors smoked a brisket to bring, so he got up at 6 am to put it in a smoker so it would be ready for our dinner. Having a sense of community is so important. Our block community is AMAZING. And, at a time when it seems like the world is continually divided, having something like this that continually brings us together is incredibly soul-filling.

 

Til We’re 80

I bowled in the Women’s Open Championships, and there’s this whimsy about my team even though everyone’s hard working. And I love that. When I show up for that tournament, I know I am always going to have a good time. I am with my girls, and I know the days will be lighthearted and filled with a little ridiculousness and a lot of laughing. That team has enriched my life on so many levels. Every year, we create these memories together that will last our lifetime. From our funny team photo to discussing crossing team gifts, I find that I laugh more when I am with those girls than I do anywhere else on the lanes. Sometimes I look around at the event, and I see other older teams of women laughing it up too. There’s no judgment. At these events, there’s no pressure. No drama. There’s just this spirit of love and being together that exists and fills you up with so much warmth. That’s what I have with them. That’s what we will have ‘til we’re 80. So thank you, Jessica Abel, Emily Fagan, and Adrienne Hare, for brightening my life on the lanes, giving me crazy memories to hang on to forever, and reminding me why I started bowling in the first place.

 

I’m Not Bowling You

I was bowling against Stephanie Zavala at the 2021 USBC Queens. Afterward, she asked, “do you have any advice for me going forward?” That impressed me. Not a lot of athletes would ask another athlete for advice. Especially after that athlete just beat them. I had the honor of speaking to a group of young, competitive bowlers in Milwaukee – for PBA Jr. on behalf of Storm. I shared with them what I told Stephanie at Queens. I said that the greatest piece of advice I can ever give is the importance of how you frame your mindset when you’re bowling against someone. The key is to focus on yourself and realize that everything important to your game is in front of you on the lane and inside you. Anything else is out of your control and a distraction. My goal in matches – and anytime I bowl someone  – is to get myself lined up to execute the best I can. I am not bowling you. It doesn’t matter to me what you are doing. I am not watching you. I am just bowling me. During each shot, I’m not even thinking about the other person on the lane. If you are thinking about others, you are inviting pressure. 

 

Striking Out Swinging

I believe winning is a culture and a process and that becoming a champion isn’t about an all-or-nothing outcome. It’s also about putting yourself all in and having no regrets, no matter the result. I’ve written before about what I call the “culture of winning” – the importance of setting yourself up to do your best, no matter the actual outcome of the game. Mindset is everything, really. Bowling the Luci doubles in Houston with EJ, I put everything out there. I could have easily chosen not to go for it. I could have held myself back, telling myself, “Oh, I’m not at my peak anymore, and he is.”  I could have worried about letting him down. I could have made excuses as to why I wouldn’t be ready. Instead, I just went for it with all I had in me. I was just talking to a young girl about this at EYT last week. I’m surrounded by baseball with my son Madden going after his baseball dreams with all he’s got (shout out to his MVP award last week), so I used a baseball analogy when talking to her. I said that sometimes when people are afraid of failing, they don’t swing. They convince themselves that if they strike out when they don’t swing, it won’t mean they’re a failure. They tell themselves it’s okay because they didn’t try at all. That’s a safe zone people falsely create for themselves. It feels riskier to take the swing. BUT…what if you had taken a swing at it? Maybe you would have hit that home run. I can’t think of anything worse than not going for it. Take risks. And if you do strike out – strike out swinging.

 

EYT Phenoms are National Champions

5 years ago, the cutest group of bowlers asked if they could name their team the EYT Phenoms and represent the EYT in the Youth Open Championships as well as USA Bowling. EYT was where they were learning to win. And lose. Together. At the EYT, it was a great honor to watch them grow with their game as eager 10-year-olds. Sometimes, I would find them after a defeat with tears in their eyes. I would put my arms around them and tell them that these are the moments that will lead to the really good ones. I don’t know if they believed me then, but I got a sense that they trusted me. This year, they went… to represent the EYT on a National level and won. After they won, they came up to me as a group – all excited with rosy cheeks and their big trophy in their hand. Landin held out the trophy to me and, with so much sincerity, said, “We want you to have this. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.” My heart burst even more as I hugged them all with tears in my eyes. They were all National Champions.

 

Not All. Not Nothing

When I approach a tournament (especially a professional one), I’m approaching it from a different place than when I was bowling full-time for a living. But I’m totally embracing that in-between place. I’m approaching it on my terms now. And that’s sort of a freeing feeling.  I know that when I show up, I’m going to do my best. I don’t have the same extra pressure I had before. I don’t expect the same result. Thankfully, I have that strong self-awareness when bowling against so many women who are “all in.” Now that I’m approaching bowling from this middle ground, it doesn’t make me any “less than” either. I can be a mom and a dedicated bowler when I decide to be. I don’t need to be either/or. I am both, and I love being both – at the same time. I don’t stop being a mom when I step onto the approach at a tournament, just as I don’t have to stop being a bowler the weeks I take off from a tour to dedicate myself to my family. In my heart, I’ll always be a bowler. How often I play or with whom I compete will never change that.

 

Hope + Inspiration

Every interaction matters. It doesn’t even matter what level of bowling you’re at, either. If somebody looks up to you in any way, your interaction matters. 10 years ago, I won the 2012 Queens in Texas.  At that tournament, there was a pro-am before the tournament started. During that pro-am, I met and bowled with this really sweet family from Texas – two kids and their parents. They just loved to bowl, and through bowling together in that pro-am, we became friends. The next day, they came to watch me bowl. And the next day. And the next day. And literally, with every single ball I threw, the little girl in the family, named Hope was behind me. She was probably eight or nine at the time, and she was there every single frame I bowled. It felt so nice to turn around and see that whole family there, rooting for me. Especially because I was out there alone. When I made it onto the TV show, I got them tickets for the show. They were there for every single shot I threw at that event; I was going to be sure they were right behind me at the TV show. Then I won! I always retell that story as “the little girl named Hope who helped me win a major.” Fast forward to today, and Hope Gramly is a superstar collegiate bowler, bowling for McKendree, where Shannon O’Keefe is the coach. Hope just won the NCAA National Championship with her team.

 

Hope Continues

I wrote in the previous article that seeing Hope win the NCAA Championships 10 years after meeting at Queens was a “full circle moment.” I clearly didn’t know what was coming…because it is this week has been the true full-circle moment in that story and in my career. I realized that 10 years ago, when I won my biggest career title, it wasn’t about the title. It was about that impact and influence and ability to reach someone like Hope. Last week Hope Gramly was the Number 5 seed in the 2022 Queens Finals, and I was there cheering her on at the live TV finals. Just like I said I would be. Exactly 10 years after I inspired her with my 2012 Queens win in Texas there, she was in front of me going for her first title. All of this got me thinking…what if the universe knew? What if the universe put us on the same pro-am pair 10 years ago so that we could meet and become friends? What if the universe set her up to connect with me back then? What if the universe put her behind me every single frame of the Queen’s with her little notebook so that she could track my success and know what it takes? What if I won in front of her so that I could show her that her dreams do come true? What if the universe knew that 10 years after my Queens win, she would be ready to make the finals on the Queens show? And what if, all along, the universe was setting her up to keep that inspiration going?

 

Progress Tracking & Accountability

Progress tracking is a big part of any coaching I do. When I coach somebody on the lanes, the first thing we usually do is a before video. Then, we analyze it. From there, we talk about what we’re going to work on. This is much better than just taking for granted that you’re going to get somewhere. At any point, we can literally see how far they’ve come by comparing where they are to where they started. Now I’m doing the same with my knee recovery. When I look back on my phone, I’m reminded of where I was the first day after my knee surgery. I’ve been documenting my progress by taking videos and pictures, and I can see that I have come a long way since then. I am literally taking conscious steps every day toward my goal of a stronger, rebuilt knee! My phone’s photo gallery has given me a visual reminder to appreciate the journey. The thing is that when you’re not paying attention to the steps you’ve already taken, it can feel like something is taking forever. You might even feel stuck in the moment that you’re in at that time. But that only happens when you don’t actively plan and track your progress.

 

Hall of Fame Dreams

At the beginning of January, I set the intention for 2022 to be a year of making more impact. I define success by having impact. I want people to remember how I made them feel or how I got them excited to bowl more, or how I inspired them to be a better person. Leading EYT bowlers and other youth and seeing them own their power is so fulfilling every single day. Honestly, I’ve had so many “proud mom” moments this year. Getting my name on the HoF ballot has made me think about how grateful I am for this life I’ve built through bowling. When I was at John’s family home in New Jersey the weekend before I learned the news, I discovered a bunch of old newspaper clippings and magazine stories of wins earlier in my career. Those clippings took me down memory lane. And as I sat flipping through them, acknowledging all of those tournaments and moments along the way, it dawned on me, “those are the experiences that made me who I am today.”

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And that’s my roundup of 2022! If you haven’t already reached out, I’d love to hear which of my 2022 updates resonated most with you.