Friday night I went out to celebrate my dear friend Kate. Her birthday meant that she would collect the women closest to her for a night out with thoughtful conversation and unfiltered mom talk. The topic of letting your guard down came up.

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“Vulnerability is edgy” one of her friends said. That statement resonated with me.

Vulnerability is edgy. When you meet someone who is not afraid to let their guard down and be 100% who they are, instead of being afraid of what other people think? Now that’s bold. When I meet people who are vulnerable, I find that they are often quite magnetic. You’re sort of drawn to that quality in them. I also find that it gives you permission to be that as well.

Many people think that being vulnerable is a weakness. To me, it’s kind of the opposite. 

That whole idea of walking around with all those feelings inside you, afraid to show them and be yourself – that can’t be good for you. And, yet, that’s what most people do their entire life.

Stand in your vulnerability. Show the good as well as the bad. Be honest with yourself. You’re going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. That’s how you’re going to learn.  Let the learning happen, be open about it, and don’t beat yourself up. 

But. Be careful how you speak to yourself. 

I see it all the time on tour. Pros speaking negatively to themselves when making bad shots, discounting themselves because they think those shots keep them from being this perfect version of themselves. It’s okay to let the bad shots go and move on from them. Don’t run away and hide from them or beat yourself up for having ever had a bad moment.

Trying to be perfect isn’t honest. Pretending that you never mess up, when you know that is impossible to hold anyone to, isn’t really fair to yourself or those around you. You’re not being your true self. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect, including myself. As a bowler, I make mistakes. As a human, I make mistakes. We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We shouldn’t try to hide that side of ourselves. Real strength is being able to admit imperfection. And even as a mom, I let my kids know that I’m not perfect. When I mess up, I own it.

It comes down to the importance of understanding who you are. Being you. 100% of the time. Vulnerability is really an acute sense of self-awareness. Being aware, and then embracing it. I think that’s a really important lesson.

Being vulnerable stands out as bold (edgy) because it’s not the norm. But what if showing up honestly were just the norm?

If vulnerability weren’t looked at as a weakness, but as a strength, I think more people would look deeper into themselves. They would heal from bad experiences quicker. And they would realize that they don’t need to try to show up as any certain image of themselves. They just need to be themselves, in whatever form that shows up.

Allow yourself to be all of the things. Sure, you’ll mess up sometimes. But, on the flip side, you will also be proud of yourself. And feeling proud of yourself, and actually saying it, that’s vulnerable too.  Vulnerability isn’t always showing negative sides or emotions. It’s showing up unguarded, even in your pride. It’s not being afraid to say, You know what, I did that and I am proud about it.

I am grateful that I have this platform now to be able to kind of spill my guts and really dig deep into who I am as a person, on all sides. Through my writing, I am opening up more. I’ll be honest, it has made me feel vulnerable. But I’ve also felt good about that. I feel good about showing a multidimensional view of myself, and not just a one-sided view of my success on the lanes. The more I show up as myself, the easier it gets too.  That’s another thing I am proud of. I am proud of getting to this place of being open about my losses and lessons just as much as my wins and personal triumphs. In fact, when I look at my life resume, I feel pride in all of it, knowing what it took to build it. No one can ever take any of that away from me. Did I make mistakes along the way too? Sure, plenty. I’m not afraid to own them, and I’m also proud of the lessons I learned through each one of them. I have learned to have compassion for myself. I’ve allowed myself to grow through my mistakes.

You need to treat yourself like you would your best friend. And what would you tell your best friend when they are struggling? You’d be uplifting, kind, and encouraging. You’d tell them to keep their head up and just keep coming. So now it’s time to speak to yourself in the same way.

Be really cautious about what you’re thinking about yourself because what you think about, you become. How you treat yourself really impacts your life on and off the lanes. That goes back to one of my first coaches on Team USA, Fred Borden, who said, “Be careful what you think about it, it might come true.”

Stop trying to be perfect and start being authentic. Authenticity means you’re going to fall down. So get back up. And other times you’re going to rise to the occasion. So celebrate that.

Stepping into your vulnerability is another way of finding out what you’re made of. It may be your boldest move. Time to get that edginess in motion.