When not bowling or coaching, I have been spending a lot of time at my son Madden’s baseball games.

I have always been proud of Madden, his commitment to his sport as well as his commitment to being a great player and great teammate. He plays his sport with class and integrity. 

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John and I have been very intentional about raising both of our kids with good values in all areas of their lives. One day earlier this season reminded me how important it is to be that positive influence in their lives. Kids face so many influences that impact their character, and unfortunately, it’s not all positive. And that one particular evening, Madden’s team was advancing in a baseball tournament. In more than a couple of the games, the teams they faced were less than sportsmanlike. 

One game, Madden’s team was up to bat and the batter had a really good hit that went far. The ball went under the fence but it was reachable. The outfielder from the other team threw the ball in but the coach argued that it was a dead ball because of the fence. There ended up being a delay and a bit of confusion out on the field. Then suddenly people on the other team, including the coaches, started yelling at the umpire. They didn’t think that he made the right call. I sat there watching as they complained and argued with the ump. A parent in the back bleachers came up front and did the same.

That kind of behavior really bothers me because I see behaving it as showing a lack of respect for all of the other players in the game as well as for the sport. They have this win at all costs mentality that shows a complete lack of respect for their team. It is behavior that lacks integrity.  I would rather lose with integrity than win like that.

Later in the day, I saw similar behavior with another team. Madden’s opposing team began obnoxiously trying to distract our pitcher. They were specifically yelling to throw off our team. Don’t get me wrong. I think it is okay to root on your own players in a supportive way and even get a bit loud when supporting them. But these players were clearly not getting loud to root on their own team. They were making noise directly at our team, to distract them. And that is not okay.

In the end, from the perspective of the scoreboard and the actual play on the field, both teams played very well. It was a good game and a very close game. The other team won. I wish they had let their talents speak for themselves. They didn’t need to act the way they did to win. They didn’t need to be that loud, obnoxious, and over the top. When talking to psychologist and friend, Dr. Weems, he adds, “Perhaps, they didn’t have the same “real” level of confidence and belief in their talents and abilities that even you had in them.  Clearly, their coach (and maybe even their parents) either teaches or merely condones those kinds of distraction techniques. That speaks volumes about them and their surprising lack of full confidence in themselves.  Additionally, it speaks to the high esteem in which they held Madden’s team.” 

When you are good at any sport, your talent and character speak for itself. When you’re loud and unsportsmanlike, that attitude overshadows your own talent and the talent of your team. That is sad to see, and I could see that not everyone on that team Madden played was behaving badly. But those few unsportsmanlike team members ruined it for that whole team.

Even though Madden’s team ended up losing the game, I thought they were the only real winners that day. They lost with integrity and remained in good spirits. That made me especially proud of them. They played with class. I know they must have been frustrated with how the other team behaved, but they didn’t show it. If I was frustrated and annoyed from the stands, I can only imagine how it made them feel in the game.

The first thing I told Madden after the game was, “good game.” Then, I told him that he would never play for a team like that. It didn’t matter how good they were. To me, what matters more than winning – and what matters more than how good you are – is integrity. And that team (or I should say a handful of kids) didn’t have that.

It’s not enough to just be a winning player or a winning team. You should want to be a good representation of the sport. That’s really what it means to have good sportsmanship and play with class.

Witnessing all of that, I also saw it as sort of a life lesson. Coaches and the parents are modeling how to behave when things don’t go your way. Any adult acting disrespectfully and obnoxious at a game is demonstrating that this behavior is okay. The adults are giving them a pass to behave like that. That’s a major problem we have in this world. As adults, we have a responsibility to pass along good values to our kids.

Those games also brought up a few thoughts I have about coaching. I personally think a coach’s job is not just about showing the players to get better at their technical game. I think it is part of a coach’s job to show a player what it means to be a good player as a person. Dr. Weems added, however, that in his practice, he‘s seen that “in countless circumstances, people that have been in positions of leadership have misused their influence.” He further explained, “it reminds me of what I call the “Uncle Ben” motto.  In the Stan Lee version of Spider-Man, Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben articulated ‘…with great power comes great responsibility.’  Unfortunately, not all parents, coaches, and other adults understand and/or fully appreciate the magnitude and great responsibility of their respective roles.” 

When kids are growing up in sport alongside just learning how to be good humans, we do have a great responsibility. And there’s so much for us to teach them. A strong team, and its players, learn to play with class even when you’re losing. It’s not just about how they play the game on the field, on the lane, or wherever their sport is played. It’s about how a player is when they are on the sidelines too. It’s about how they support others in their sport. Coaches need to teach their players that sometimes, even more important than being great at what you do is how you carry yourself.