When I was bowling at one of the tour stops recently, I was talking to my Storm ball rep Shawn Ryan, and I had a light-bulb moment.

Knowing that he was a good bowler in college, I asked him if he still bowls. He answered that he didn’t bowl anymore because he said, “I’m all or nothing.” He didn’t want to put himself out there when he knew he didn’t have the time to put in to be as good as he wanted to be. My first instinct was to agree, and I said, “I’ve always been an all-or-nothing person too.”

“Always been.” 

Hmmmm. Wait. Here I am. Not all and not nothing.  I realized that I once was all or nothing in my thinking.

“Was.”

I’m not anymore. I don’t have to be that way anymore. I don’t have to be “all in.” And I don’t have to be not in at all either.

When I approach a tournament, (especially a professional one), I’m approaching it from a different place than I was when I was bowling full-time for a living. But I’m totally embracing that in-between place. I’m approaching it on my terms now. And that’s sort of a freeing feeling.  I know that when I show up, I’m going to do my best. And that’s enough for me. I don’t have the same extra pressure I had before. I don’t expect the same result. Thankfully, I have that really strong self-awareness when I am bowling against so many women who are “all in.” 

The PWBA has many excellent bowlers who dedicate their entire lives to it. And I’m okay with bowling against them even when I’m not “all in.”  It’s also not fair for me to compare. It’s important to manage expectations. I like to look at things how they are and not how they were. I also know that I have strong experience to lean on and my practice time is quality over quantity. I’m okay with all of that, and it’s enough.

When I look around at other bowlers, I do understand their “all in” mindset. That was once me. But what matters most to you is allowed to evolve with you. It’s okay to have a different mindset later. What matters most to me now is my family and balancing time with them.  That’s the shift that was right for me. Even though my priorities shifted, I’ve learned that I can still love my sport as much as I did when I was “all in.”

Now that I’m approaching bowling from this middle ground, it doesn’t make me any “less than” either. I can be both a mom and a dedicated bowler when I decide to be. I don’t need to be either/or. I am both, and I love being both – at the same time. I don’t stop being a mom when I step onto the approach at a tournament just as I don’t have to stop being a bowler the weeks I take off from a tour to dedicate myself to my family.

In my heart, I’ll always be a bowler. How often I play or with whom I compete will never change that. Whether I am on the lanes myself or at home with my family watching a tournament on television, bowling will always be an important part of my identity. It’s just not my “all” any more. And it’s important to let go of the version of yourself that you were in the past. Life changes. We evolve. And that’s ok. Now, I cannot imagine life any other way. Anyone who follows me on Instagram will see just how much joy I find in balancing my family time with my bowling life.  

You always have choices when it comes to your balancing act and figuring out how you’re going to balance all of the things in your life. And honestly, I have never really thought about full retirement. I don’t really even know what that word means to me. Does that mean not bowling competitively anymore…? I can’t even imagine that. The beautiful thing is that anyone can make their own choices and have different evolutions in their game. There’s no right way to do it. How you evolve with the sport is unique to you and it’s all okay. You don’t have to be “all in” but you also don’t have to be all out. 

I just think that many people when they’re in the sport, they can’t see that bigger picture. To use a common expression, they can’t see the forest for the trees. When I first began evolving in my sport, I didn’t have anyone to talk through these changes to become more comfortable with them either. Luckily, I followed my intuition to evolve in a way that worked for me, but I still saw the pressure to be “all in” to feel relevant.

I wish someone had told me, “You should be proud of what you’ve done and you’re going to do amazing things to come. They’re just going to look different. Your identity does not belong in a box.” I think it would have been an easier transition for me if someone had reminded me of that. Maybe if I would have known that I would be able to influence and positively affect so many people’s lives after transitioning from full-time bowling, it wouldn’t have been so scary for me. I had no idea I would have even more influence AFTER my “glory days” on the lanes.

I can see now that I can manage more identities at once than I once thought I could.

You can be committed to more than one thing without being “all in.” Maybe you’re not going to be dedicated to each thing all of the time but you can still strive to do your best in the moments that you are. I think that having that perspective is healthy. It took me time to get to this place of acceptance though, I’ll admit. Being so competitive, I don’t like to lose. But I finally feel that I’m okay in this in-between space. I’m not “all in” but I’m not not in at all, and I’m really enjoying it here.

That’s where I see the life lesson. I  can still enjoy bowling and still feel rewarded by it even when I’m not “all in.” And I think this applies outside of bowling too. I think that trying to balance more than one identity is something a lot of people struggle with…. So if that applies to you, even if you aren’t a bowler, I want you to know that it’s okay. There’s a right choice and a right balance for you and don’t think you need to fit in any boxes or be either/or. There’s beauty and power in your unique balance. 

Ever since I began writing these posts, I have gotten more and more responses about how what I’m writing about applies to life. I love that, because the truth is that’s exactly what I’m always trying to do here – make that connection between these lessons I learned in bowling and how they can also apply to your day-to-day life. I’m always happy to hear your responses and how I’ve helped you see something from a new perspective. I hope today’s post helps you feel less pressure to be a one-dimensional version of yourself. I’m a mom, a bowler, a youth leader and so much more. I hope you’ll give yourself permission to be more than one thing too.