It’s back-to-school time, and I feel like it’s a topic on many parents’ minds. It’s definitely the focus of our household at the moment. All the back-to-school prep. 

Part of that prep is actually mindset. As exciting as it is to start a new grade, a new school year also brings a bit of anxiety for kids – the idea of starting something new. It can happen even when they’re overall confident in themselves. For my daughter Jersey, this year’s nerves are about being the youngest in the class for the first time since first grade.

I’m excited for her because this is a year where she’s about to surprise herself with how much she can actually grow and learn in a year.

Both of my kids go to Montessori schools. And this upcoming school year, Jersey will be in the 4th Grade. One of the really unique things about the Montessori philosophy is that they’re in classrooms with different-aged kids. Three grades are grouped together into one class. So, for the past three years, Jersey has been in a class of kids ranging from grades 1 through 3. In previous years, she’s been exercising that muscle of helping, being the one in the room that younger grades leaned on to learn. This year, she’s going to be the one learning from the older kids.

Being okay with learning from others is a really important lesson in life.

Real growth happens when you’re not the smartest one in the room. I feel like our egos want us to be the best, smartest, brightest in the room, but that’s not how we grow.

This is not just age-based either. It can be experience-based or expertise-based. This is how growth everywhere in life actually works.

My husband John recently took on a new role in the company he works for with this same reason in mind, to allow himself to grow. Previously, being the restaurant’s executive chef, he was the one in the room everyone had looked to for guidance. Advancing to a research and development role within the company, he’s now in this room with people who bring in all kinds of other experience and who are full of ideas. He’s being inspired by them and learning from them. He’s no longer the smartest one in the room. The new role is pushing his growth. And that’s exactly why he chose it.

The key is not to be afraid of situations where you know less than those around you. See those situations as opportunities rather than as a blow to your ego. Use those moments as chances to learn from those who know more about XYZ than you do. Then,  when you get to a place where you’ve built up your own skills and knowledge in that area, it’s equally important to be okay with helping others become stronger in that area too. I’m so grateful that at Montessori, this idea is taught at a very young age.

At EYT, I also promote this idea. The division levels are U12, U15, and U18. However, bowlers have a choice about when they move up to the next division. I remind parents about that too. When I see someone at the top of their division, I say that they can stay and keep winning. Or they can move up a division and provide themselves with a challenge. Being the best feels good… I get that. But when you’re always the best, you aren’t pushed. And that actually holds you down. You’ll never know your true potential that way. But when you pull yourself up a level, you are also pulling up your potential – and it will be higher than if you just remained the strongest one in the room.

It’s really the same in life. If you stay in any comfortable situations where you’re not challenged in any way, you’ll stop learning and growing. You need to actively push yourself outside of your comfort zone into those uncomfortable situations, as those are where you’ll learn and grow.

Madden is also doing this with baseball. He has been playing up one or two years. If he played with his age group, he would be the best one on the team, the superstar. Instead, he’s playing up. He’s not the strongest one on the team because he’s not the oldest one. That’s also why I feel he keeps getting better and better.

I think back to my first years on Team USA, and this is exactly what pulled me up to new heights. During those first years, being the youngest on the team by a lot, I had to push myself to learn and grow from those around me. Traveling to these world events with them, I was really green. I had a lot to learn about managing expectations and my mental game. So that’s what I did. I looked around me and learned from those who were much more experienced, like Kelly Kulik. In Abu Dhabi in 1999, she brought home the first gold medal I ever saw Team USA win. That really inspired me and taught me what it took to get there myself. I wanted that success, and I knew it meant I had to keep learning from others like Kelly along the way.

And years later, when I made it to the top myself, I knew I didn’t just get there by myself. I got there because of all the people I learned from along the way.

You don’t get to the top on your own. You get there by first putting your ego aside and regularly placing yourself in a room full of people who are better and maybe even a little smarter than you.