Last week, the father of someone I’ve coached for many years reached out to me to ask for my insights on the collegiate recruiting process. He mentioned that after visiting some campuses, they were concerned that the bowling coaches weren’t following up. Perhaps they lost interest, he thought.

That conversation brings up a common misconception that is really important to address.

Actively pursuing recruits is a rarity in bowling, with the exception of a few of the very top players like Gianna Brandolino, who may receive multiple offers. However, this lack of being pursued doesn’t accurately reflect a coach’s interest. So, I explained that I didn’t think he was interpreting the situation accurately.

People assume that bowling coaches are exceptional recruiters. However, that is not the case. Their primary focus is running the team. Their job is to run an excellent collegiate bowling program. And to give you the information you need to make a good collegiate decision. With numerous bowlers to manage, they often do not follow up individually. In the midst of their season, managing around 30 bowlers, they just do not have the bandwidth to individually think about everyone interested in joining them the next year. But they do care. If you are lucky enough to put in some face time with the coach of a collegiate program, that’s usually when they will express interest – in person. After that, it’s up to you to follow up.

Their job is not to pursue you. Collegiate coaches simply lack the time and overall capacity to reach out to each prospective new bowler repeatedly.

It’s up to the individual to take the lead in the recruiting process. It’s essentially akin to how one needs to pursue any relationship.

Be the pursuer.

A personal example is when I was preparing for college myself. The truth is that no one actively pursued me. Mainly because they thought I had already made up my mind. When I was a senior in high school, I actively inquired with the University of Nebraska. I actively pursued that by inquiring AND following up. My collegiate coach, Bill Straub, has even openly admitted that he’s not a good recruiter, like most bowling coaches. When anyone is basing decisions on how others are showing interest, it results in losing out on some great opportunities – in the bowling world and beyond.

So, stop waiting for the circle back and start unapologetically pursuing what you want.

It doesn’t make sense to just to sit back and wait. In most cases, pushing you to make decisions and follow up on opportunities is not someone’s priority.

However, passively waiting is what most people do. Most people do not take responsibility. They assume that their decision is someone else’s priority when it isn’t. They assume the interest dissipated and interest waned.

The truth is that you need to take back responsibility and take back control of your decisions by intentionally and actively pursuing what you want.

Have the chutzpah to really go after it.

Have extreme confidence in your pursuit. Because the pursuit is the side that is your control…and because you don’t get what you don’t ask for. 

This applies to anywhere in your life where you’re making a really big decision. Whether you are considering applying to a college, a job, or anything. You have to put forth the effort.

We are applying this same strategy to Madden’s application to high schools. Naturally, most schools would theoretically really want someone like Madden. He’s conscientious, kind, a hard worker, excels in sports, and will contribute to the school’s overall community. However, they are not going to be pursuing him. It’s not their job to seek out Madden and ensure he chooses them. That’s Madden’s responsibility. So, we are not waiting around for schools. We’re not going to think, “Oh we didn’t hear from them so they just don’t want Madden.” When applying for high schools, there’s something called a principal’s discretion letter – essentially an opportunity for the student to introduce themselves and explain how they can contribute to the school. Madden is writing that to his number one school of interest, and then he will actively follow up.

Another great example is how John first broke into the culinary world. When he was in culinary school, he aspired to work for Grant Achatz, a leader in culinary innovation. John also read Grant’s book and became inspired by Grant’s own proactive approach when he first started out in the kitchen at The French Laundry. Grant wrote a letter every day to express his desire to work there. So, John thought, “if it worked for him, why not take a page out of his book?” John was prepared to use a similarly proactive approach when reaching out to work in Grant’s kitchen. Fortunately,, he got his foot in the door through this persistent effort and secured an internship at Grant’s restaurant, which was an important start to his career.

The key takeaway in all of this is the importance of active pursuit. That is always the way to get what you want in life. Do not passively wait.