My son, Madden, just found out where he’ll be attending high school. Doesn’t seem like that would be a big deal, but it is in Chicago Public Schools.

The whole application process to get into high schools here in Chicago has begun to feel a lot like applying to college – the way they have to choose a specialization already and take entrance tests. It’s a bit silly, to be honest. I mean, do these really 13 year olds already know yet how they want to set up their entire future? They barely know what they want for breakfast.

I don’t know whether people have to deal with it the same way in other places throughout the US, or the world. However, you’ve most definitely had to deal with something like this. Test-taking. And evaluations against some set “standard” that attempts to qualify who you are as a person.

All of this has gotten me thinking about how this is just not a really accurate snapshot of who you are in the real world. Some people just aren’t good test takers, and it doesn’t make them “less than.” These standardized tests and the qualifications are also typically so one-dimensional. It is not a representation of the student’s real life and their real-world potential. There’s also a lot of stress and anxiety that goes along with these tests.

I haven’t been particularly stressed per se, but the process has been bothering me. For me, what really gets to me is the idea of having to prepare Madden for a system of testing that I don’t really stand behind. In fact, up until now, I purposely sent my kids to a school (Montesorri) that doesn’t teach standardized testing (that is, they don’t teach to the test). I intentionally sent them there because I believe that when teaching is guided by simply preparing students for test results, they’re just teaching you how to be a good test taker and regurgitate information – rather than the teaching being more practical life skills, and out of the box thinking.

Personally, I believe the tests are just not necessary. All of this testing puts kids under more and more pressure, and at a younger age. If they don’t somehow perform to a certain “standard,” they don’t feel they’re good enough. And then their confidence takes a hit. So it’s a bit of a slippery slope.

What I think the world needs more of is teaching around real world stuff. Like accountability. How to show up with confidence. How to prepare yourself. How to manage your reaction to things. How you deal with others who aren’t like you. The real world is not a series of tests that measure you against standards and other people. Is it important to understand math skills, vocab, and how to formulate a grammatically correct sentence? Yes, of course. But, stressing kids out while you shove it down their throats isn’t going to make them retain that information.

Real life is made up of a series of more important things than tests.

Fortunately, Madden wasn’t worried about it because he is always fairly chill and knew that he did his best. He also got into one of his top two school choices, which happens to be one of the top three schools in the whole city and state. (And 68th in the country, which is pretty surprising as there are a lot of high schools in the country).

But there was a big chance that he wouldn’t have received an offer from “one of the top” Chicago high schools. And, I continued to remind him that he will land where he’s supposed to be. He will make the best of it, and he will get out what he puts in. No matter where that is. It’s not a make or break you. I reminded him that no matter where he goes to high school, he will still go onto college, and he will continue to be a standup human. I also reminded him that this didn’t define him.

When Madden was 5 and started baseball, I remember watching his practice from the stands, and I was standing beside a dad talking about which high school he wanted his son to get into. I assumed he had an older son but when I inquired, he said he was referring to his son practicing with Madden. His 5 year old. I think it was then that I decided that was the kind of parent I would NEVER allow myself to become.

The truth is, Madden is nervous. He said it’s going to be hard because he doesn’t know anyone there. I reminded him he’s been in the same situation many times in his young life.

When he started baseball. Even though he loved it so much, he cried during his first practice. He felt so uncomfortable not knowing anyone. The first day of the Montessori school he’s at now, where he started in 1st grade, he also didn’t know anyone in his class. He was nervous but he quickly found his people.

Because that’s what you do. In an uncomfortable situation, you persevere. You seek out the good energy, and it’s not long before you find “your people.”

It’s a bit like when I went to university. I could have chosen to go where my sister had attended. Because it was familiar and known. But that wasn’t what was meant to be for me. I was better off stepping out on my own and challenging myself around people I didn’t know. That’s what really showed me what I was made of.

In the end, Madden is fortunate to get into this high school. But. Even if he didn’t, I knew he would excel wherever he landed.

We’re also relieved that the pressure of these tests is behind us so we can get back to focusing on how Madden shows up in the real world. And I’m infinitely proud of everything that he is, and who he is becoming.