Every season in this sport, the same thing happens. After a June that is really heavy with tournaments, and mounting pressure as the season goes on, many bowlers start questioning themselves.

They look at these tournaments, and if they haven’t been making the cuts and landing at the top, they feel a certain type of way. Defeated. Not worthy. Sad.

The reality of these competitions is that only a handful of girls can end up at the top, and only one can win. 

When it comes down to it, it’s sort of like a risk versus reward scenario. There will be the high highs – but also the low lows. As competitors, we have to trust in ourselves to get that reward. We have to repeatedly show up with a focused, optimistic, and positive mindset. 

Part of choosing this sport is also knowing that this is what happens. We keep putting ourselves in that position, knowing we could feel that low each time. It’s our choice to keep showing up anyway.

Those who keep showing up – building their game, and strengthening their weaknesses – will likely be rewarded at some point. Maybe not every game or every tournament, but they will experience enough winning moments to make it all worth it in the long term.

But it can be really mentally tough on an athlete to go through that rollercoaster of highs and lows – again and again, tournament after tournament. Especially when you are putting all your eggs in this basket as a professional athlete.

When those losses are repeated, your brain can try to convince you that this temporary situation is who you are. You can start to question everything, maybe even thinking you have too much work to do to get to one of those top spots. You may even start to question that you are in the right place or that you are good enough to be there.

Repeated disappointment can break your heart and bring up all of the feelings.  The season is short too, which makes the feelings all the more intense.

The other day, I noticed that a very talented pro bowler posted something on her social media saying, “does anyone ever feel like quitting? Because I do.” When I saw that, I reached out to her as a friend and had a really long conversation back and forth on Instagram, just giving her a different perspective, helping her through what she was feeling. 

Around the same time, I also saw my friend Clara Guerrero posting something similar on Instagram as an attempt to navigate her own feelings about this season. We have been friends for a long time. We were both teenagers just starting out bowling the international circuit. So, I reached out to her too. Not long after, Daria Pajak, another friend, posted that she was taking a break from social media. Being such a personality in our sport, she was feeling pressure from more people – to never make any mistakes, to always make the cut, to always land at the top.

When I have been talking to some of these girls experiencing these feelings, the top mindset tip I share with them is to just remember that each of those experiences is temporary. Whether at the top, bottom or somewhere in the middle – any of it is where you are in a single moment. It is not who you are – as a person or as an athlete. Even when you don’t have a great season, you’re not less of a person.

We’ve all been there. Every PWBA bowler goes through these feelings at some point.

I still feel disappointed when I don’t make a cut. And, I’m not even chasing the top anymore. My expectations are different than they were. And, I still have to navigate strong feelings each tournament.

Most recently, I personally experienced disappointment at this year’s Queens. When they made the cut to 63, many people advanced – and I didn’t.  I began asking myself, how could I be missing that big of a chunk of whatever I needed to stay in the top 63? That brought up a lot of extreme disappointment and frustration because I felt prepared, and the week before, I made the cut. In those moments, it can even feel really lonely. Even when you have bowling friends, they’re also trying to make it. Those feelings can be difficult to navigate when you’re out there just trying to make it. I feel all of it. Now that I have decided to focus on my family and less on the sport, the feelings just aren’t as persistent as they are for some of the other girls. It’s easier for me to move on from the feelings. 

When your entire life and career are 100% dedicated to the sport and to chasing those top spots, and when you put all of yourself in that one basket of how you perform on the PWBA tour, those feelings of disappointment are amplified – and they can stay with you past the tournaments. I no longer do that, but I understand  – and can appreciate – what these girls feel.

It’s also something that can happen with any sport.

When I hear these girls doubting themselves through low seasons or feeling disappointed in themselves, what I keep reminding them is this: 

It’s okay to feel the feelings. But then. Let them go. Even when you feel like your performance defines you, it doesn’t. It’s not who you are. It’s just temporary. And your past performance is only one aspect of who you are as a person and as an athlete. So don’t forget to nurture and support all of those other aspects too.  Of who you are – and who you want to show up as.

It also really goes back to the whole idea of being your own best friend. We’re so hard on ourselves. Yet, we would never be as hard on others as we are on ourselves. So, we need to offer ourselves the same compassion and encouragement we would offer a best friend.

What would you tell your friend to encourage them through a hard time? Turn that back on yourself to help you pull yourself up from the lows – and through to the other, sometimes very tough side of your experience.

And, worth mentioning again: your self-worth is not determined by your finish.