Most people don’t like confrontation and tiptoe around a lot of the things that make them feel uncomfortable…

Today’s lesson of the day: Don’t avoid the tough conversations.

Growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone.

To experience any major growth breakthroughs, it’s likely you will have to face confrontation. 

Confrontation isn’t necessarily a negative thing.

A while back, I discovered that one of the high school kids I was coaching struggled academically. A part of me thought it would be easier just to let their parents handle it. I didn’t want them to feel bad about it if I brought it up. But as a coach, I also feel it is my responsibility to show that I care about that part of their life.

I sat down with that bowler and discussed why they were struggling in school and what they were doing to help the situation. I knew it might feel awkward for them, but I also knew that if they were going to manage the situation, they needed that nudge to confront it too.

Most people would continue to let them look the other way. When we see others struggling, we’re often afraid to have those tough conversations. It can feel awkward being the one bringing it up and helping them face something uncomfortable.

With my student, I had an honest conversation about what they could be beyond the lanes to improve academically. The result was that they left that conversation feeling empowered with steps they could take. An important step was facing the struggle, not avoiding it.

If you are struggling with something, you may feel like saying, “I’m just not good at that.” Resigning yourself to that acceptance may feel like the easiest way out.

Instead, why not say, “this isn’t easy for me. But I know that if I put in the work, I can figure it out.”

I tell the kids I coach, as well as my own kids this all of the time: “You’re not born just knowing things.”

There’s a cycle to learning. When you are not good at something, there’s no reason to be ashamed or scared. You just need to face it so that you can start to look for where you can find the answer… and then you go for it. Through that searching, you learn just as much.

In my bowling career, I have realized that I don’t know it all. Early on, I recognized that I needed great coaches to help me get where I wanted to go. I’ve written before that during my first year at Nebraska that I had a lot to learn. However, I was very open to getting help from those who knew more than me. As self-driven as I have always been, I embraced that guidance. I surrounded myself with those who could teach me what I needed to know. This guidance continued to steer me forward to learn even more than I ever imagined I could, and it enabled me to go on and win on an even higher level.

You get to choose growth.

For everything that you don’t know, aren’t good at, or are afraid of facing, there’s a way to learn and grow from it. That’s so empowering.

Choosing to go forward means putting in the work, and… well, let’s face it, that’s where most people just come up with excuses to avoid that learning.

When I had a lot to learn to level up to collegiate bowling, it was WORK. It was frustrating and confusing… And humbling too. I experienced ALL the emotions that year while my game was dismantled and reassembled by my coaches. But I stuck through it, believing that I would eventually come out on the other side better. And I did.

It was the opposite of an easy experience, but growing and becoming stronger is not an “easy” process.

Avoiding doing the work is easy. Giving up is easy. Not confronting your struggles is easy.

So, ask yourself, are you avoiding work and tough conversations in order to choose something easier?

You’re supposed to experience that growth struggle because it’s actually that journey that matters. You’re where you’re meant to be on the journey to get to the other side and reach your ultimate goal.

If anyone makes it look “easy,” it’s only because you don’t see the work they already put in…or the work they continue to put in behind the scenes. More than likely, they weren’t afraid to have a few tough conversations that led to growth along the way.