Previously I told you I would reveal more of my heartbreaking experiences so that you can better understand where and how I’ve truly earned my grit. This is a longer post, but stick with me and you’ll see what I’m really made of…

Yes! I want to build my grit!

When I think about heartbreaking struggles, one of the first places my mind flashes back to is the year my coaches completely took apart my game.  It was my freshman year at college. This may surprise you, but not all of my bowling years were good years. And that year, they wanted to completely rebuild my game. The fact is that I had a lot to learn to level up to collegiate bowling. And that was both frustrating and confusing… And I started losing A LOT before I started winning again. It was humbling too as I thought I was already pretty good before that.

Throughout this dismantling and reassembling of my game by my coaches, I lost far more often than I won, my average became way lower, and believe me when I say that I experienced ALL the emotions that year.

As much as I hated that experience and as hard as it was to experience going backward so many steps, I stuck through it. I maintained my faith in the process. I believed that I would eventually come out on the other side, even though I didn’t know what to call what I was doing back then. Now I definitely know what to call that though. Grit. I was developing my grit.

The other college bowlers went through that experience with me. I wasn’t the only one on my team having to rebuild my game, but I was one of the few who came out the other side of it. Most couldn’t handle it. Many went home each night with the belief that the coaching was making them worse. Some even gave up and left. They thought, “this isn’t working for me.” They didn’t get it. They didn’t have the trust and faith in the process. They lacked grit.

But you need to know that things are not going to be easy at first. They’re never meant to be. Growing and becoming stronger is not an “easy” process.

So, ask yourself, are you choosing something easier or that feels good instead, to escape the real journey?

Whether it’s in your career or your family or any struggle that you experience, you’re supposed to experience that growth struggle as it’s that journey that matters. And sometimes it’s a long road. But it’s what’ll get you where you want to go. So embrace the struggle and feel the feelings. Be sad. Be heartbroken. Cry even. Surrender to those emotions and believe that you’re where you’re meant to be on the journey, to get to the other side to reach your ultimate goal. And then learn to move through it, to let it go… That Is what will get you there. 

Faith. Trust. Understanding and believing. This is what it takes.

And put in the work.

You really do get to choose if you get there, based on how much grit you have. Are you showing up? Are you picking yourself up? Are you putting in the hard work?

So much comes back to that.

If we make it look easy, now that we’re showing up winning, it’s only because we already put in all the work, that’s all. And had our share of losses. We really do all essentially start out in the same place…

Sometimes, I actually think the secret sauce to success is losing.

The next story is one I often tell to youth bowlers, marking it as the worst event of my career but the best learning experience.

I was bowling live on ESPN, my first live bowling event, and I was so excited to be there because it was also for a major title. And, I led all week. By a lot. No one could touch me. But by the end of it, I had all the emotions, good and bad.  First I felt amazing. I really felt that it was mine to win because I beat everybody all week. I went into the final bowling matches and double elimination as the number one seed. That meant, I bowled last on the show.

That’s where everything went sideways. In that one last game, I made every mental (and bowling) mistake that I could make. The live show was running overtime so the production team suggested I should just pick up the pace. Thinking about rushing instead of maintaining my focus, I fell off my game in every way possible. Next thing I know, I was sitting in my chair on the show watching my opponent get the tiara that I thought should have even put on my head. The USBC Queens. 2007. Ugh.

I was humiliated and heartbroken about bowling the worst game, and on TV, after having such an amazing week. I was feeling so hurt, so sad, so disappointed — basically all of the bad emotions, all at once. I didn’t blame the production crew either. I blamed myself, for letting it throw me from my mental game.

From there, that lowest of lows, I had to pick myself up and fly the very next day to bowl against a very elite rank of bowlers at the World Ranking tournament, where I would be solely representing the USA.

I arrived at this next tournament with so much heartache. I remember a practice session when I still had tears in my eyes. I remember laying in my hotel room curled up in a ball wondering, How am I gonna ever feel okay again to bowl this tournament? I saw how low I started out at this event on the scoreboard, and I remember wondering, Who am I right now?

It felt like the worst thing in the world being there, going through that almost crippling heartbreak and disappointment and having to bowl through it. But I showed up anyway. I could have been turned off of competing but instead, I worked my way through the feelings and the sadness and found my way to that next event. And it was a major catalyst for me building my game stronger than ever. I ended up winning that event. After that, pressure could no longer throw me off my game. (I’ll write more on that in another post sometime) And years later, at that exact same event, I did wear that tiara.

Moving on and through those agonizing emotions, that was grit.

You just need to build the grit. The grittiest get where they want to go. 

So, are you putting in the work and picking yourself up when the going gets tough?

Next up: I’ll reveal a goal-setting approach I use that ensures the easy route is not even an option.