“I wasn’t bowling you. I didn’t watch a shot you threw…”

I was bowling Stephanie Zavala at the 2021 USBC Queens. She was a few years out of college at the time and new to the tour. Rewind to before that match, I was actually the one seeking her out to talk to her. Up until then, I hadn’t met her but I had seen that as a PWBA rookie she had already won multiple times early in the season. I was really impressed and wanted to find her to congratulate her. It turns out, it was a bit of a “fangirl moment” (her words) for her when I found her, which I thought was so cute. She had nice things to say about my career. Sometimes in my mind, I still think younger bowlers will have no idea who I am. 

Later at the Queens, we ended up matched up in double elimination. Whoever lost would fall into the Loser’s Bracket from the Winner’s Bracket. I ended up out bowling her and was the one who advanced. Afterwards, she asked, “do you have any advice for me going forward?” That really impressed me. Not a lot of athletes would ask another athlete for advice. Especially after that athlete just beat them. I knew right then that she would excel on another level in her career.

Last week I had the honor of speaking to a group of young, competitive bowlers in Milwaukee – for PBA Jr. on behalf of Storm. I shared with them what I told Stephanie last year at Queens. I said that the greatest piece of advice I can ever give is the importance of how you frame your mindset when you’re bowling against someone. The key is to focus on yourself and realize that everything important to your game is in front of you on the lane and inside you. Anything else is out of your control and a distraction.

I said that my goal in matches – and anytime I bowl someone  – is to get myself lined up to execute the best that I can. I am not bowling you. It doesn’t matter to me what you are doing. I am not watching you. I am just bowling me. 

(Sidenote: The ONLY time it’s relevant to watch your opponent is to see where they are playing to gain information that you can then apply to your game. But you must do this from an analytic standpoint. You watch. Gain information. Apply that information to your game.)

Win or lose, what matters more than anything else is that I know that I put it all out there in my own game. At the end of the match, when I look up and around me, if I out bowl the other person’s score, then I’ll win the match. But during each shot, I’m not even thinking about the other person on the lane. If you are thinking about others, you are inviting pressure. When you get too wrapped up with things that you can’t control, you’re never your best self. 

I see bowlers all the time putting so much pressure on themselves, battling the numbers on the board and struggling to bowl “perfectly.” They throw what they think is the “perfect” shot and then they leave nine. They can’t believe it. They feel like they are the only one in the building that is not getting a break. The thing is, there’s no such thing as a perfect shot in bowling. You could do all the right things and still leave a pin up. You could also throw a terrible shot and strike. Bowling is not this perfect science. Every single shot that is thrown changes the oil on the lane.

You’re never going to figure out an exact formula for which ball to use and exactly where to throw it to work out a solution of how to strike every time. That is not how this sport works. 

I think that is also what makes bowling so exciting.

Bowling is a game of anticipation and evolution. And a lot of times, guessing. It’s ever evolving. It’s never the same. You’re anticipating what ball you’re going to use. You’re anticipating how the oil is going to move. You’re anticipating how that’s going to force you to move on the lane. You’re thinking about how the lane will develop and what ball you’re going to throw and where and how.

The best you can do is allow yourself to evolve along with it. As long as you do your best with what you have and put your heart behind it, win or lose, the situation is not a loss. You learn and evolve. You use what you know to frame your next shot. That’s all that you can do.

Not winning does not mean you bowled poorly. It’s important for athletes to separate that. Too many think a loss is always a failure. It’s not. Someone else just got a higher score. I think recognizing that and framing your attitude that way is healthier and also shows a sort of competitive maturity. Stop taking your defeats so personally. It’s applicable throughout your life though too. When something isn’t a win, it doesn’t mean it is a failure or a loss.

You can be out bowled even when you bowl your best game. You can make all the right decisions and someone might still end up with a higher score. They bowled their best game while you bowled yours. If you let what they do matter, you’re getting wrapped up in something outside of your control. You can’t control their ball choices and their lane reaction and all the other number of factors that made up their game.

That’s also why I say you’re not bowling them. You’re bowling you. You’re bowling against your own moments in the game. You’re compiling and processing the information from your game and your lane. You’re downloading all of that information and able to process future moments with it, bettering yourself and your own game based on everything learned as you go. You move with the lane developments and pay attention to what is in front of you on your lanes.

That’s such an important lesson and one that I think many young young athletes don’t really understand. But the earlier in their career they do grasp this, the stronger they’ll build their game. 

We all have unique experiences that get us where we are in our game. Whatever we are experiencing in any game, in any moment, has everything to do with our own game and nothing to do with anyone else’s.

And it is analogous to life too. Your reality is ever evolving. You’re never in the exact same circumstance twice. You can simply use the knowledge gained yesterday to make your best decision today about whatever is in front of you on your own lane in life.