All you need is love. 

Right? I mean, The Beatles said so anyway.

What is love? 

“Feeling at home with others.” – Joie

“Being kind to those who think differently than you.” – Samantha

“Being there 100% for someone through good times & tough times.” – Chenoa

“The act of unconditional selflessness.” -anon

These were just a few of the answers from my Instagram poll. 

I think love can’t be put into words. It’s a feeling in your stomach. That flip.

Love is when you see the pride on your child’s face the first time they accomplish something on their own.

Love is unexpected surprises to lift your spirits.

I have always felt like I experience emotions deeper than most people. I’m really tuned into my emotions, both sides of the spectrum. Defeat. Angst. Hope. Happiness. Love.

But since it is that time of year – and leading up to Valentine’s weekend, love is on many people’s minds  – I thought we could talk about love this week.  

In all of its wonderful shapes and forms. 

After all, we’re in relationships all the time. I’m talking beyond romantic relationships. Relationships with your children. With your friends. Your parents.

But love is an emotion that most people find the hardest to tune into. For most people, it’s also not the easiest to express. Or to receive for that matter.

I think it’s really interesting that there are five different love languages, according to Dr. Gary Chapman. Words of affirmation. Acts of Service. Gifts – giving or receiving gifts. Quality time. And physical touch. Love is not universally expressed and understood. Everyone has a different way of showing and receiving love.

Have you ever stopped to think about your love language or the love language of those you care about?

When we’re talking about love language, it is really that we’re talking about how people interact and express that they care. That’s why they’ve called it “love language,” because it really is another type of communication in our lives. An important one. So it is good to also know how you communicate on that level with the people in your life. Having that awareness of knowing what yours is, you can show up better as yourself, and you’ll be more responsive when others are showing you they care too. Understanding how the other person expresses and understands love might be one of the best ways to strengthen any relationship.

Maybe you’ve wondered why your neighbor is always shoveling the sidewalk along the entire street, when they clearly don’t need to do that. Or why you have a growing collection of Starbucks mugs, from the friend who always brings you back a mug from their latest trip. They’re showing they care, in ways that come most naturally to them. Not everyone is good at expressing that they care with words. Actually, very few people are.

Your love language is how you show you care, even when you don’t realize you’re speaking it.      

Not sure what yours is? Take the quiz to find out what your love language is!

What about your teammates? Have you thought about how each of them expresses that they care, or how you show you care to them?

We don’t always get to choose all of the relationships in our lives. But we can choose how we manage those relationships and situations. Or better yet, we can ask ourselves, how can we even strengthen those relationships? How can we show up better for the people who support us, or who we support – whether at work, on a team or anywhere we are in an arranged relationship of sorts? How can we make an effort to better understand them? 

I’ve definitely had teammates who need reassurance – words of affirmation (one of the love languages). They feel most comfortable on the lanes when their teammates verbally give them reassurance. So, when I have had teammates like that, I’ll be there for them, cheering them on when they need it as I can see it boosts them up and makes them feel supported. I’ve also had teammates with acts of service as their love language. They’re the ones who feel so appreciated when you pick them up a cup of coffee on your way to bowling or when you grab the spare ball for them when you see they left a single pin. They’re also the ones who are doing that for others just as much. We all have ways we express love as well as how we translate, or receive love, from others. As is true with any language, the more we are able to understand each other’s language, the easier the communication becomes. And in this case, the stronger the relationship. So becoming more fluent can only lead to good things.   

So, what’s my love language you ask?

Well, I will say that when John goes out of his way to do something I didn’t ask him to do… like getting gas in my car or making us dinner, it makes my heart melt. Another example is one day when I was really overwhelmed with an event that I was putting on, John took the day off. He didn’t tell me. He knew I was really overwhelmed and just surprised me, asking me, what do you need me to do? I am your assistant for the day. There is nothing he could have done that day to show me love in a more powerful way than doing that.

When people go out of their way to make my life easier I feel so loved. My love language is Acts of Service. Followed closely by Quality Time.

So, whose love language can you learn this week?

I hope that this helps you look at the relationships in your life in a different way as you approach Valentine’s Day this year. Maybe even mark the occasion by surprising someone with learning their love language and then showing up for them in some way, speaking it.

What’s YOUR love language?