Last weekend, my daughter Jersey and her best friend Jade did a Girl Scout takeover at my dad’s hardware store to sell Girl Scout cookies. They were only at it for a couple hours, but they sold every last box that they’d brought. Almost 100 boxes.

They were such a great team, each with their part. When people walked in the door, Jade approached them right away, and engaged them in conversation. “Welcome to Hyman’s, would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?” she said with a bright smile. She is a year older, and at nine years old, she is such a natural leader. She wasn’t afraid of anyone saying no. She just had such confidence and went after it. Jersey kept their “store” (their table) organized, managing the payments and bagging. I was so grateful for Jersey to have had that experience. It was such a great display of leadership from a nine-year-old to an eight-year-old. I could see the inspiration in Jersey’s eyes as they crushed their Girl Scouts sales.

Observing this wonderful youthful display of teamwork and leadership made me think more about the various ways we are led to become who we become.

Whenever we grow the confidence to go after things, how are we led there?

I have always been very intentional about teaching my kids. I’ve written here before that I specifically spend time talking to my kids about leadership. I’m so intentional about it and about how I am teaching my kids values. I have taken and even taught, courses about leadership. (Hello “Emerging Leaders” class in college!) I read books about it. I articulate it very specifically to my kids. When I drop off my kids every day at school, I say the same thing to them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Besides telling them to have a great day, I always say, be kind and be a leader. 

Because to me, that’s really all that matters. The school stuff will always fall in line. What matters more to me even more than report cards- is answering these questions: Were they kind? Did they lead?

This past weekend reminded me how lessons about leadership can appear in so many different places, and in different forms.

This was one of many topics I chatted about with my amazing and respected psychologist friend, Dr. Weems, earlier this week. We talked about how both intentional and unintentional leadership is going on around us all of the time. That chat really illuminated all varieties of leadership, and how growth happens. I began to see examples everywhere of what Dr. Weems was explaining.

My own children are learning lessons not only from me but they are being positively led by those around them. 

Dr. Weems told me that psychologists often talk about “creating a holding environment for children to grow.” He explained that parents often take on leadership responsibility but that for a child to grow into someone confident in their skin and in their voice, it is as much about providing children with opportunities. He used a wonderful analogy, describing it “like planting seeds. I view parents as having the ability to create this environment for their kids to be successful by maintaining this fertile ground. Then, all seeds have the greatest probability of growing into something that’s going to produce lots of fruit.”

That explanation makes so much sense to me. So much of what we do as parents is about providing opportunities for growth. 

In Jersey’s case, as much as I would love to take full credit for her confidence, I can see her growing through her friendships and experiences. She has always been comfortable making friends older than her and has such a good relationship with Madden, her older brother. She’s not afraid or intimidated by interacting with people older than herself. She is inspired by them. Now that I think about it, she is always attracting more examples of leadership, more opportunities for growth. These friends are not necessarily viewing themselves as leaders, but as Dr. Weems also pointed out, even without that same intentionality around being a leader, there are many leaders whose messages of leadership are communicated through modeling values. If I look back, I can see countless examples of leaders in Jersey’s life. She’s constantly growing through her friendships and experiences. 

The Girl Scouts itself is all about nurturing leadership. What a great organization to show young girls how to realize their own power and voice. Even in the simplest activities they are learning and growing from those around them. A few weekends ago they went rock climbing on an indoor rock wall to earn a girl scout patch. I witnessed first hand how the girls watched those before them climb the rock wall. They could see where to grab on the wall to pull themselves up further. That is leadership and such a great metaphor for what being around other young leaders is doing for them. It’s hardly a surprise that some of today’s most notable female leaders were once Girl Scouts, from Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton to Barbara Walters, Ellen, Taylor Swift and Lucille Ball.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that when we’re teaching leadership to kids, it is not as cut and dry as sitting at a table together and going through a list of things. It’s about providing the foundation, the fertile ground for learning and growth opportunities. Leadership is actually happening naturally all around them. As a parent, as much as I will always continue to intentionally teach my kids as much as I can, I also want to keep providing them with opportunities to learn these lessons naturally.

The glow of pride on Jersey’s face after a weekend Girl Scouting was beautiful. More of that, please.