It’s natural in life that you won’t see eye to eye with everyone.

When someone brings up a different idea to you, what do you take away from that? I’m curious, how do you approach that different view? How willing are you to see something from another person’s perspective?

Whether it’s a coach or a friend, what do you do?

It is a question for any area of your life, on and off the lanes. 

I’ve been thinking a bit about this, because here’s what I have especially noticed in the athletic world. Genuinely accepting the differing perspectives is actually much rarer than you would think. Instead, more often, I see people being closed to an alternate view.

The way I see it, how you respond to differing views comes down to this.

Are you open? Are you willing to grow?

Are you able to talk to somebody who has a different perspective than you?

Unfortunately, I don’t see everyone being open. Many people reject alternate views.  

However, when you do accept other views, you have an open mind. That allows you to walk away from one of those conversations feeling empowered.

Ultimately, disagreements don’t have to be about winning or losing. It’s not about being right or wrong. They can just be about expanding your perspective. 

I’ve seen athletes have the hardest time with this though. There’s this urge to repeatedly prove themselves and be “right.” Of course, it feels good to be right. But it’s also not healthy to always have to be right all of the time. And being good at one thing doesn’t mean we’re right at everything.

What about making room for that difference?

You know what we really need more of…? Honesty. 

When I don’t agree with someone, I just tell them.

We need people to disagree with us. Because honest and constructive differences can help push us towards growth.

No one needs to be told that they are right all of the time. Yet, so often people will just tell you what they think you want to hear. They agree to make you feel good, not because they actually agree.

Sure, it’s easier to agree with someone…

But I think a lot of people tiptoe around anything that might make them, or the other person, feel uncomfortable… Or they might not want them to mistake your offering an opinion for suggesting the other person is “wrong.” 

The way I see it though, embracing differences is another way of stepping out of your comfort zone and developing a growth mindset.

When I disagree with someone, whether on or off the lane, I am not doing so to be confrontational. My approach is to point out the difference and ask questions. I am not asking to challenge them but to understand. I learn not only from the answer but from the difference in our perspectives.

In all sorts of situations and relationships, I think it is actually really healthy to have disagreements. And when you look at these disagreements from a growth perspective, they are opportunities to learn. I think that respecting the other person’s point of view while trying to see it from their perspective is key in a nice spirited conversation. Those learning moments themselves are good for us too. As is just being able to bounce around ideas for another person’s perspective. Doing all of that doesn’t require actual agreement.

I won’t always agree with you. But I will respect how you were thinking. 

The alternative is a fixed mindset.

A fixed mindset is viewing one side as being “wrong,” rather than each side having an opportunity for learning or growth.

What if everyone came from a place of not having to prove themselves? What if we did not always have to try to be the one who is “right”? 

To be honest, I don’t care about being right or wrong. Do you?