I’m a realist. Optimist – yes. But, also very much a realist. I take things for what they are. I don’t try to trick myself into thinking things are better or worse than they actually are.

You may have seen me with tape on my knee at a few of the recent events I bowled on tour. My knee issue is something many people didn’t know about because I don’t complain about it and I haven’t written much about it here either. Competing with the tape recently brought attention to my knee and some people came up to me to ask what was wrong. I will admit that it can be uncomfortable talking about it sometimes so I have often downplayed it. I want to be transparent with you here about what is going on. We shouldn’t try to hide what is real and true, no matter how disappointing it is.

The reality is that I’ve had problems with my knees for a while.  I have been really focused on physical training and chiropractic care lately to help support it but it still doesn’t erase the root issue. It’s not the long-term answer.  What I am facing is the fact that I don’t have a lot of cartilage left in my knees due to overuse. Nothing actually happened to my knee other than years of bowling, combined with genetics that made my knees possibly more prone to wear. My physical therapist, Paul from Fast Track Physio, explained it the best. “Think about how many miles you’ve put on your legs over the 37 years of bowling. Game after game. Hour after hour.”

I probably have the knee of a 85-year-old. Considering how many miles I’ve put on it.

Admitting this does make me feel vulnerable but I also feel good about opening up about it. I am proud of getting to this place of being open about my struggles just as much as my personal triumphs. I’m always trying to be the best version of myself, and that comes with understanding who I am.

The kinesiology tape is something my chiropractor showed me to help drain fluid and reduce overall inflammation. It has been helping a lot but I’ve reached a point where I have to do more. I know a lot of people just carry on even when they are facing chronic pain like this and don’t do anything to fix it. They may say, I’m just going to find a way to live with this pain. They may even let it get worse.  But if you’ve learned anything about me here, you’ll know that I’m a doer. I don’t want to just talk about something. I’m always going to do something about it. I’m going to research the solutions. I’m going to look at all of the options and ask questions.

The solution for me is surgery later this year. It’s definitely the harder choice but the way I look at it, I can’t imagine just letting it get worse. There are too many things in my life that would be even more affected by the pain. I want to be able to spend long days walking around European cities on trips with my kids. I want to be able to climb stairs without thinking about my knees. And if I don’t do anything, then that doesn’t happen. I can barely walk down the street without pain right now.

I know surgery is not going to be easy. I know recovery is going to take time. I know there will be moments or days when I don’t enjoy feeling and going through that. The only way to the other side is through the struggle. It’s like reaching many important goals. You have to commit to the process to reach your long-term goals. Seeking surgery is my commitment to my long-term well-being. I’m adopting a champion mindset to get through it. Champions do what’s hard and step out of their comfort zone in order to succeed.

To be completely honest, this decision is pushing me waaaay outside of my comfort zone. I’ve never had surgery before. I’ve never even been put under with anesthesia. So there is some real anxiety around doing something that I’ve never done and something so serious. It’s always sort of on my mind these days. I am always thinking about how it will feel after surgery. As I was climbing the stairs earlier today, I caught myself thinking, will this be easier after?

When I spoke with my surgeon and nurse, you can imagine that I asked a lot of questions. But their answers also gave me the confidence I needed in my decision. My surgeon works with elite athletes, like basketball players, and told me that I’m an ideal candidate for this type of surgery. Athletes in higher-impact sports, such as basketball, aren’t able to have this type of surgery because of the way they move. Those players don’t have the same choices and have to simply adjust with cortisone shots to mask it. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. 

The gel injections.

The cortisone shots.

When it all wears off, I can barely pull my legs out of my car. 

As I said in a recent post, I’m also not “all in” bowling anymore and my personal life guides my decision-making now. Bowling is not high impact meaning I can still bowl after surgery. And I am looking at the quality of my life, not just my athletic life. My nurse has seen a lot of people who have had this particular surgery. When I talked to her, and she saw me limping out of the office, she told me I am probably going to wish that I had done it sooner. I think she is probably right, and I’ve personally decided that surgery is the perfect solution for where I am at in my life and my career. 

For those who are curious to know more – it’s a partial knee replacement called makoplasty. It’s done by a robot. The surgeon uses a computer that controls a robot which makes the surgery as precise as you can get. I will be able to leave the hospital the same day. After the 3 month recovery period, my surgeon said it will feel like I never even had surgery and just have a better knee. That is, if I do the work. And, as you know. I. Will. Do. The. Work.

I don’t really look at it as a choice anymore. I’m not willing to walk the rest of my life in pain. Outside of this surgery, I have also already done all of the things. Literally, everything. Nothing else is going to solve this. Some days I might catch myself thinking that it’s getting better on its own, but then I remember that I’m taking anti-inflammatory and pain medicine. And I’m not even someone who normally takes medicine. Like at all. Remember, I had natural childbirth with no medication.  Having a constant stream of meds in my body, masking my issue, is not something I want to live doing forever. I don’t want to live taking medicine every day. After the US Open I decided to try out not taking medicine, and I could barely walk. Up stairs. Down stairs.  I have the self-awareness now to accept that my knee cartilage is not going to miraculously regenerate itself and this is another moment when I need to accept help – from a surgeon.

It really does take a lot of vulnerability for me to share my knee journey but I also think it’s important that we acknowledge our hurdles. It’s important to take care of ourselves. We all face different issues and it’s okay if you reach the point of needing help, like I am doing with knee surgery.  

Do I wish I didn’t need surgery? Sure. Do I need to work on hyping myself up as I prepare for it? Definitely. But I am also excited about all those pain-free walks with my family on the other side of it. And I’m okay with admitting when my body needs a little bit of help to get there. 

In the meantime, I will continue to give gratitude to my champion knees that carried me countless miles in this life…and propelled me to the #1 podium, over, and over, and over. And when it comes time to enter the surgery room in a couple months, I’ll write more about how I’m setting up my mental game for the surgery and recovery.